Mourning
by Selke
Summary: Remus mourns, becoming closer to an 'enemy.' RL-SS. New chapter up, 12-5-04.
1. Flash

Disclaimer:  Not my property.  It belongs to the fabulous Ms. Rowling.

Warning:  Contains spoilers for _Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix_.  Yes, it just came out, but I finished it last night, and I was just inspired.  So basically, if you've not read it, don't look down.

Dedication:  To Kim.  If it weren't for her, I would never have gotten interesting in the Harry Potter series.

Chapter 1: Flash

-

_"You're a dreamer, Remus."_

_"Siri, I'm no more a dreamer than you are…  I just wish that everybody here could get along, not start a fight every two moments.  You and James' always picking on Severus…"_

"You mean Snivilus…" Sirius shut his mouth at the cold glare that came from the werewolf.  The young wizards sat under a giant oak tree, near the lake.  They had just finished their homework, leaving Peter and James in the library, attempting to enjoy the remaining heat of the dog days of summer.  Sirius ran a hand through his long, shiny black hair, an aggravated look marring his features.  "It's not like he doesn't give just as good as he gets.  Smarmy git."

_Remus stood up quickly, rolling his eyes.  "You lot need to grow up…  You wonder why Snape picks fights with you…  Couldn't be the slight fact that you've teased, beaten and tortured him for years, simply for your own enjoyment."_

_"Oh, shut your trap, Moony.  It's not like you ever try to stop us."  Black sniffed.  He stood up as well, his face a mask of skepticism.  _

_"You seem to forget that I've spent plenty of time trying to calm both of you down.  And you know that's why Dumbledore made me a prefect this year…"_

_"Well, you've not done much since you've got your shiny little badge.  You just sit there, with you little books or glancing in the other direction."  Sirius sneered, no longer attempting to keep his voice low._

_"Oh, sod off, Padfoot."  Lupin said, exasperated.  He spun on his heal, heading back up towards the school. _

-

He's dead…  I can't believe that he's dead.  We both knew the risks when we joined up with Dumbledore and his Order.  We knew that we could very well die, but it just didn't seem like a reality.  We were the last two Marauders.  Of course, Peter's still out there somewhere, but Wormtail is no more a Marauder these days than Snape is a Death Eater.  

I chuckle slowly, lowly.  My head is swimming, a mixture of grief and fire whiskey.  

And of course he was the only fatality…  I cared about no one in the Order more than he.  He was my best friend, for years upon years.  

God, that sounds so careless.  It isn't as if I have something against Tonks, or Dumbledore even.  It's just…different.  Sirius was my brother.  I would be grieving if any other had died.

Poor Harry.  This is affecting him horribly.  Obviously, I guess.  His temper is flaring and he seems to have pulled away from everybody.  But then again, Albus finally told him the full truth of everything.  I think if I were in his place, I would be hiding in the deepest mountains of France by now, trying to shut it all out.  

And I know he places most of the blame squarely on the shoulders of Severus, though of that I'm not surprised.  It's what James would have done in his place.

He had been worried that he was as alike as his people had been saying.  As…  God help me, as _arrogant_ as James was.  I loved him as a brother, but he _was_ arrogant.  He and Siri both, at that point.  They both grew out of it, slowly, as they aged.  They still had their bits of it, their little times where the haughtiness and conceit showed through, but they had been so much better.

And now, they're both gone.  Harry will, of course, never be the same.  As if he were a glass, shattered.  It can never be fully, completely, repaired.  Not correctly.

Severus feels horrible.  He would never admit as such, obviously.  He plays the part of the cold, detached Potion's Master perfectly.  But every once in awhile, you can see the aloof exterior crack, even if it's ever so slightly.  You can tell as much by simply looking into his eyes, when he thinks that nobody is paying any attention to him.  They'll soften, if even for a second, if he's looking at Dumbledore, or Harry, or even myself.

He thinks that he has failed.


	2. Fascinations, or a Cold Exterior

Disclaimer:  Still the property of Ms. Rowling.

Holy… Over thirty reviews…  I'm simply floored…  I don't even know how to react.  I just logged on to check my email, thinking that maybe I got a few reviews.  There were thirty-one.  Thank you all _so_ much.  

I'm in shock…  I don't even know _how_ to convey how happy that I am that people are enjoying this story, and saying so.  

Chapter 2: Fascinations, or a Cold Exterior

-

_"Snape, can we talk?"_

_Severus turned to face the young lycanthrope, his breath catching in his throat.  His pallid face became abnormally flushed momentarily, before he brought his cold exterior into place.  _

_"I see no reason for us to speak, Lupin."  Snape snarled.  _

_"I swear that I had nothing to do with it."  Remus sighed, running a hand through his amber hair.  Snape studied the werewolf for a moment, taking in the tired look of his fellow pupil, the pale features, the dark lines under his eyes.  "It was Sirius and, to a lesser extent, James.  When I'm…transformed…I really have no control over myself.  The wolf takes over…"_

"You expect me to believe that?"  Snape kept his voice low, dangerous.  Remus couldn't help but compare his voice to that of a snake, a hissing sound.

_"Yes, I do."_

_"What have you **ever** done to inspire such confidence?"  Snape asked.  "Why should I believe that you and your little Marauders wouldn't give just about anything to get rid of me, once and for all?  To get rid of the thorn in your side?  It would have been quite convenient, I guess.  An accident.  For me to 'accidentally' stumble across a fully transformed werewolf. To 'accidentally' get bitten, or worse._

_"How very bloody convenient."  Severus spun on his heel, walking away from Remus._

_"Snape…" Remus was beginning to lose his temper, clenching his fists.  _

_"Leave me be…" Snape turned back towards Lupin.  "You freak."_

-

It's been nearly two months now since Sirius passed on.  The Order's been meeting at fairly regular intervals since.  Many members are demanding justice for Siri's murder, other are simply tired of fighting, using Padfoot as an example of why this war needs to end.

I just sit at the meetings, taking everything in.  I watch Dumbledore.  His warm blue eyes have cooled slightly.  I watch Arthur and Molly Weasely.  They seem so much more tired.  Their son, Percy, is still being a right prat.

And I watch Snape.

He seems to be distant, snapping at everyone lately.  For someone who claims to have not cared that Sirius died, he's certainly showing the signs of mourning.  He looks, quite frankly, like the guilt is eating him alive.  

There are very few outward signs.  Snape's far too well put together for that.  It's in his mannerisms.  In his scowls.  

In his eyes.

Those eyes.  A girl in our class once said that she could get lost in those eyes.  'They're like deep, dark tunnels.  I could look into them forever, and find new things that I love about them every day.'

Of course I told her that she was nutters and Sirius and James teased her for a week.  I laugh out loud at the odd memory, getting odd glances from the people sitting around me.  

I'm sitting in Dumbledore's office, across from Albus.  Snape is sitting next to me, his fingers steepled on his lap.  His eyes are cast to the floor.  I risk a small look over towards him.

His hair seems to be more lank than usual.  There are dark rings around his eyes.  You can tell it all by the eyes.  They're not as expressive as they were.  They seem to be much less malicious.  But then again, his entire demeanor seems to have calmed.  Not that he was so expressive to begin with…  

"You want us to _what_, Headmaster?"  Snape asks, standing up.  I shake my head, attempting to catch up on the conversation that I had been zoning out on.  I turn to Dumbledore, trying to hide the fact that I hadn't been paying attention.  "You've _got_ to be kidding me, Albus.

"We've risked enough lately…  Black is _dead_.  More will die."

I try to contain my shock at Severus' speech.  I've never seen him show such a lack of respect to authority.  Well, I have, but not to Dumbledore.  He's always drawn the line there.  He can act as snarky as he pleases when it comes to McGonagall, but when it comes to Albus, he's always held a modicum of respect.  

"We have no choice, Severus."  Dumbledore's eyes seem to have lost a bit of their warmth.  My eyes dart between the two wizards.    

"Like hell we've got no choice.  Black is dead, and more could die as well."  Snape took a deep breath, pressing his fingers against his temples.  Snape's voice turns to what seems to be his favorite tone:  deep, dangerous.  The tone that he speaks to his students when angered.  Snape doesn't lash out.  It seems the quieter he is, the more you should fear for your life.  "Will you sacrifice us next?"

The breath catches in my lungs as he stands up, storming out of the office.  I glance back and forth between the door and Dumbledore.  I finally stand up, nodding curtly to Albus before following Severus.

I whistle to myself as I walk down the ancient stone hallway, on my way to speak to Severus.

-TBC-


	3. Confrontations and Name Calling

Disclaimer:  All characters within belong to Ms. Rowling.

A/N:  I'm fiddling with this being slash, of the Remus/Snape variety.  But then again, looking back at the story, it's kind of obvious, hmm?  Let me know if anyone's interested in yet another slashy Snape story.

Oh, and I'm _really_ not trying to be a jerk when it comes to Sirius's attitude.  After reading the new book, it just seems to fit in my head.  I'm not vilifying him for my own amusement.  People grow with time, and that's simply how I see Sirius.  Besides, he's one of my favorite characters.

Chapter 3: Confrontations and Name Calling

-

_Severus sat staring deep into the deep crimson hued potion, stirring it every few moments, a blank look on his face.  He glanced at his potion's partner, another sixth year, whose name Severus couldn't remember if he tried.  He turned away from the girl, his eyes scanning the rest of the classroom.  _

The Potion's master sat at her desk, her eyes roaming.  Severus looked away before she could catch his eye, standing up.  He turned to the girl at his table.  "Watch this, will you?  I've done all the blasted work on it, you can at least pitch in by stirring it…"

_Not waiting for a response, Severus quickly walked up to the teacher's desk.  "Professor Watson, may I be excused for a moment, to use the facilities?"_

_"Of course, Severus."  Watson nodded, smiling at the young man.  "Just don't be too long…  You don't to ruin your potion."_

_"Yes, thank you, ma'am."  Severus nodded curtly before walking out of the room, glaring at his partner.  He spoke quietly to himself as he entered the lavatory.  "If she screws up that potion, I swear to Merlin that I'll…"_

_"You'll what, **Snivelus**?"  Snape sighed loudly, his hand darting into the pocket of his robes as he turned around.  Before he could mutter a single hex, his wand went flying out of his hand as the voice called the Accio charm.  James Potter stood opposite him, twirling the wand between his fingers.  "Not quite quick enough, Snape."  Severus glared at him, swears streaming from his mouth.  _

_"Oh, such a mouth on you…" Sirius Black stepped into the room, glaring at Severus, his eyes full of malice._

_"Sod off, Black."  Snape hissed, unconsciously backing towards the door.  He felt slight panic rise in his chest as the realization that he was trapped struck him.  "Give me back my bloody wand so I can get back to class.  I'm not going to get detention because you and your little flunky decided that you wanted to play games in the toilet."_

_"Yeah, give you your wand so you can curse us?"  James asked, throwing the wand into the air, catching it as he would a golden Snitch.  "Don't think so."_

_Both Gryffindors closed in on Severus, backing him into the corner.  Sirius turned to James, his eyes glittering.  James just nodded, stepping back slightly as he gestured the animagus forward.  "He's all yours."_

_James laughed loudly as Sirius's fists rained down on Severus midsection, sending him into the fetal position.  He pulled back after a quarter of an hour, leaving Severus broken and bloody.  _

_"Heh."  Sirius huffed, attempting to wipe sweat from his brow, but simply succeeding in smearing Snape's blood onto his face.  He muttered a quick cleaning spell on himself, shedding the blood from his skin._

_James chuckled as they walked out of the room, tossing Snape's wand to the floor.  "See you at supper, Snivelus."_

-

"Severus?  I know you're in there."  I say loudly, rapping on the door leading to Snape's inner sanctuary.  I step back as the door swings open angrily.

"What do you want, Lupin?"  He asks, his voice holding none of it's usual malice, none of it's usual chill.  He just seems, I don't know…  Tired.  

"I was wondering if you could tell me what just happened…  I've seen you explode more times than I could every hope to count, but never directed towards Dumbledore."  I say, keeping my voice calm, attempting to keep any actual signs of worry from showing through.

"Were you not even listening in there?"  Severus asks, running a hand through his hair.

I shrug sheepishly.  "Uh…  Not really, sorry.  I guess I zoned out about halfway through Albus' speech."

Severus rolls his eyes slightly.  "Of course…"

"Now, you don't have to get like that.  I was…distracted."

"Oh, and may I ask what is more important than Dumbledore's 'plan to save the world'?  Or did you simply see something shiny?"  Severus sneers at me, and I can feel a blush spread over my cheeks.  Snape sighs deeply.  "…I'm sorry, Lupin.  I shouldn't snap, not over something as stupid as this."

I nod, not really caring as much that he snapped at me as not wanting to admit exactly what I was distracted _over_.  Or rather who.  "No worries, Severus…

"Would you mind filling me in on what I 'missed'?"  

"Alright."  Snape steps backwards into his chambers, ushering me inside.  He walks over to a large, dark, wooden cabinet, pulling out a bottle of vodka.  He asks me if I'd like a drink.  I nod, asking for a bit of the vodka.  He pours a bit into two small glasses, handing me one.  

"Thanks, Severus."

"Lupin, why do you keep saying my name?"  He asks me suddenly, and I find myself choking on the liquid, feeling the burning sensation in my throat rise up into my sinuses.

"What do you mean?"

"Normally you simply refer to me as 'Snape.'  But in the five minutes or so you've been in or around my chambers, you've referred to me as Severus three times…" Snape takes a large gulp of his drink.  "Why?"

I think for a moment.  "I don't know.  Do you mind it?"

"No, actually."  He finishes the last bit of his vodka, refilling the glass quickly.  "I was just…curious."


	4. Bother

Disclaimer:  They belong to Ms. Rowling, not me.

Warnings:  Yep.  Nobody responded on his or her opinion of if this should be slashy.  So I took it on myself to make it so.

Chapter 4: Bother

-

_The boy cowered beneath the ancient wooden table, his eyes shut, his tiny hands held to his ears, attempting to keep the screams out of his head.  He rocked back and forth on the floor, whispering to himself._

_"Dammit, Sahriya!"  A male voice shouted, following by the sharp sound of flesh against flesh.  Severus jumped as he heard his mother fall to the ground.  _

_"Silas, please!"  Severus's mother cried, attempting to climb to her feet.  She was struck down again, this time remaining on the floor.  "I'm sorry…  I'm so sorry…"_

_"If you were really sorry," The man grunted.  "You never would've done it."_

_"N-no.  Please."  Another loud sound of flesh on flesh, followed by another high-pitched scream.  Severus darted out from beneath the table, crawling over to the semi-conscious form of his mother.  "Mommy, wake up.  Please, mommy…"_

_"Get the hell out of the way, boy…" Silas growled, yanking the five year old to his feet, holding his arm in a bruising grip.  _

_"No."  Severus said, his voice low, fearful.  He pulled away from his father, standing between his parents, his tiny hands on his hips.  His shaggy black hair fell into his face, his dark eyes searching his father's face._

_"That's it."  Silas bellowed, his hands lashing out at towards his only son.  He wrapped one massive hand around Severus's neck, cursing._

_Severus cried in pain, attempting to fight off the man.  He struck out at his father, but his five-year-old legs weren't long enough to connect, and his fists weren't strong enough to harm him._

_Sahriya stood up shakily, running a hand through her silver streaked black hair before screaming at the sight in front of her.  _

_"Silas, no!  Please, leave him alone!  Let him go!"  Sahriya rushed at her husband and son, attempting to pull the elder Snape from the no longer fighting boy.  Silas laughed her off, sending her back to the floor with his free hand._

_"Stay out of this, woman.  This is between me and my son."  Silas shook Severus roughly before sending him to the floor in a heap.  Severus didn't move._

_"Severus?  Baby…  Severus…  Come on, boy.  Come on, baby…" Sahriya whispered, pulling her son into her arms.  Tears fell from her eyes as she shook him, attempting to rouse him.  "Damn you, Silas, what have you done?"_

_"Nothing more than the insolent brat deserved."  Silas huffed, walking towards the door.  He turned back towards his wife before leaving the room.  "Get this mess cleaned up.  And I expect dinner to be served in forty five minutes."_

_Sahriya nodded silently as he left, holding Severus to her tightly.  She sniffled softly.  "Damn you, Silas…"_

_-_

Severus and I sit in his chambers.  Our conversation has dwindled down slowly into nothingness.  He stands up suddenly, walking over to liquor cabinet, taking up the bottle of vodka.  He starts to pour a generous amount into his glass, but changes his mind, taking a swig out of the bottle.

"Have you been sleeping properly, Severus?"  I ask suddenly, draining the bit of my drink.

"What business are my nocturnal habits to you?"  He asks sharply, spinning about on his heel.

I sigh.  "You don't need to snap.  I'm merely concerned."

"Why would _you_ be concerned about _me_?"  He asks, his voice full of annoyance.  He pinches the bridge of his nose as if he's getting a headache.  

"You look as if you haven't slept in…  Like you've not slept since Sirius died."  I admit, running a hand through my hair.  I stand up, walking over to Severus.  I place a hand on his shoulders, and am surprised to see that he _flinches._  Snape.  Flinching.  This man has faced Death Eaters, Voldemort, and countless Neville Longbotom's, and he flinches when _I _touch him.  But then again, I did almost kill the man.  Not on purpose of course.

"You're one to talk.  You don't eat or sleep.  You're always roaming about the school at odd hours, a guilty look on your face."  Snape sighs, setting down the bottle, but not before taking another chug of its contents.  The breath catches in my throat as he says this, and I have a sudden urge to hit him.

"At least I show the fact that I'm grieving.  You do nothing but hide down here in the dungeons or at your manor.  You spend all of your time working on your blasted potions!  You act as if you don't care, but it's obvious.  

"You look like death walking, Severus…" I sigh deeply, my voice weakening with every word that I say.  I feel the sting of tears coming to my eyes.  

Snape surprises me by running his thumb across my cheek, wiping away a tear before it can fall far.  In the two decades, lord, almost three decades, that I've known him, he's never done this.  He's never shown this much emotion, or opened himself up as much as this.

Without thinking, I lean over, kissing him softly.  He seems shocked at first, but doesn't pull away.

Finally, after what seems like hours, we pull away, gasping for breath.  He looks at me, his face flushed.  I find my newly restored breath catching in my throat, and I'm filled with a sudden panic.  I shouldn't have done that.

"I…  Severus, I'm sorry…"

"Get out, Lupin."  He whispers, his black eyes staring into my hazel ones.  He looks almost helpless.  

"Severus…"

"_Get out_."

- - -

A/N: Yes, it's short.  But I'm trying to get these little bits of the story up before my muse leaves me.  She decided that she didn't like "Victims of Comfort" and hasn't come back in a while.  I'm taking advantage of her being here while I can.  (And I've even got the flashback of chapter five done…  Those are so much easier than writing the rest of the story.)__


	5. Hurt

Disclaimer:  Still not my property.  It still belongs to the fabulous Ms. Rowling.

Warning: Yup.  Slashiness ahead.  Non-graphic.  *Purrs*  And yep.  I used the name Sahriya in one of my other stories, just not for Snape's mom.  I just like it, and it's just so much fun to type.  Besides, one person read that story, so I don't see anyone as caring.

Also, sorry.  I kind of got carried away with this chapter.  It's over 2,500 words.  The entire story before this chapter is only 3,325 words.  

And this chapter could probably be just about a PG-13, but not an R, definitely.  But then again, I'm so paranoid when it comes to rating these things.  It could be PG for all I know.  Oh, yeah.  On with the chapter.  : )

-

Chapter 5: Hurt

Severus sat silent in the Great Hall, doing his best to block out the voices ringing in his ears.  It was the end of winter term, the day before Christmas vacation started, causing a great amount of celebration amongst his classmates.  The fourth year Slytherin pulled a book out of the folds of his robes, attempting to lose himself in the novel.

_"Snape?"  A voice asked him.  A milky white hand reached out, shaking his shoulder lightly.  "Severus?"_

_Severus turned towards the voice, finding a mildly amused Lucius Malfoy looking at him.  The blonde sixth year quirked his head at the expression of surprise on the fifth year boy, a small smile coming to his rose colored lips.  "What's wrong, Severus?"_

_"Mmm?"  Severus asked, turning from his book.  "What do you mean?"_

_"You're quiet."  Snape quirked his brow at him.  "Alright, more so than usual."_

_Severus chuckled lowly, shrugging.  "I got an owl from my mum.  She wants me to go home for the holidays.  She didn't mention how my father felt about that arrangement."_

_"Sorry, Sev.  The invite to spend Christmas at the Manor still stands, if you'd like to come out."  Lucius said, taking a sip of his tea.  "Get away from your parents for a while…"_

_"I don't see my parents as being overly happy about their only son skipping out on them for the holidays.  But then again, I'm not overly excited about seeing…" A blank look took its place on Severus's face.  Lucius recognized that look, one of his favorites.  The one that few knew of, and even fewer could fully appreciate.  "My father."_

_"Yes, I don't think that I would be too keen to spend time with him…  I can't stand it when Father invites him over to tea.  No offense."_

_"None taken.  I wouldn't interact with that man if I didn't have to."  Severus shook his head.  "I'd like very much to spend the holidays with you and yours…"_

"If you'd like, we can invite your mum over for Christmas dinner.  I'd love to see Sahriya again."  Lucius said, a small smile gracing his lips.  Severus had always been fascinated by those lips.  They were the color of an ancient scar.  A pale shade of washed out pink that complimented his porcelain skin to perfection.

_Lucius chuckled, pulling Severus out of his reverie._

_"Hm?  Oh, that would be nice, thanks.  As much as I dislike my father, I would like to see mum for a bit over break…  Just a thought:  We should get your mum and mine and go into Diagon Alley for a bit.  They can have their little…" Severus grimaced slightly, his small smile never leaving his face.  "Women time.  And we can escape down Knockturn alley."_

_"Always the schemer, Severus?"  Lucius laughed outright this time.  "Alright.  It's a date."_

_"Great…" Severus stood up, placing his book back into his bag.  "I'm going to go get my stuff ready.  Hadn't been planning on leaving."_

_"Alright, Sev. See you in a bit."_

-

It's been four days since I kissed Severus.  Four days that he's been avoiding me like the plague.  It seems that he's been taking a page out of my book, roaming the halls of the school, disappearing.  I think Voldemort's to blame for part of his time missing.  He was gone for a day and a half, and by the time the worry got to me, by the time I asked Albus where he'd gone, he's returned, as if nothing had happened.

No, not like nothing had happened.  He acted like it, though.  He was the ever cool, aloof, snappish Potion's Master.  You could see it in those eyes, though.  Whereas they were just cold before, they were empty now.  As if he had seen something terrible.

I went to Albus this morning, to see if I could pry any answers out of him.  He just looked at me.

"It is not my business to tell you, Remus.  I'm sorry."  He said, his voice quiet, his features seeming to show his age.  Remus heard true regret in the elder wizards voice.

"It's alright…  Thank you, Albus." 

It takes me a day to finally gather enough courage to go to Severus.  The way he had reacted from the kiss, I didn't know if I truly _wanted_ to tempt the fates and his temper.  I realize that the longer I wait, though, the harder this will all be.  And I'd rather tempt his temper now, then to let all of this emotion, all of this worry, this angst, linger.  The longer I wait, the easier it will be to back out.

And oddly enough, I don't want to back out.  The more time that I spend with Severus, the more time that I want to spend with him.  I find myself thinking random thoughts about him, in the middle of the day, when I should be scouting or guarding for the Order.  When I should be looking after things at the school.  I see myself holding him, comforting him.  Holding him tightly to my chest when he comes home after a night under Voldemort's service.

I haven't a clue where these images come from, nor do I think I care.  

It seems to take me forever to get down to Severus's personal chambers.  I listen intently, attempting to hear if he's inside.  I hear nothing at all; no potions percolating, no Severus yelling, no music, no fire popping.  Even when he steps out, you can tell, by the various wards that he puts up around his rooms.  There are no wards up.

A silencing spell.

I knock on the door, knowing that it's probably a fruitless gesture.  If he's gone to the trouble of putting up a silencing spell, he likely wants to be left alone.  

But since when have I cared about Severus's personal boundaries?

I knock several more times, to no avail.  I get fed up finally and call out his name.  

"_What do you want, Lupin_?"  Snape hisses through the door, as the silencing spell vanishes.  

"To…talk.  I just want to talk, Severus."  I say, attempting to keep my voice as emotion free as I can.  If he heard worry in my voice, he'd never let me in.  He's always been the kind to get defensive when anyone has shown concern for him…  I'd like to blame it on his old Slytherin, or Death Eater, habits, but he's always been like that.  Even back to when we were first years.

He had shown up for school, the first day after winter break.  He was covered in bruises, his arm in a shoddy, seemingly homemade, or house elf made, sling.  Lucius and I were the only ones to ask if he was all right.  I think he actually spoke about it to Lucius, but never to me.

I guess that's what I get for trying to befriend the lonely looking Slytherin that first day on the train.  I got teased by my own housemates, and a beating or three by his.  Our meager friendship was over pretty quickly.  But I've never stopped feeling concerned about his safety.  For a short time, he was a friend.

I shake my head roughly, pulling myself together.  I didn't even realize that Severus had opened the door, his head peering out, his face hidden behind his massive curtain of hair.  

"What is it, Lupin?"  He asked.  It seemed as if he was doing everything in his power to not look up at me.  His eyes were cast to the ground, like a child that had been caught doing something he shouldn't have.

"I just thought that we should talk, about what happened the other day…  You've been avoiding me, Severus."

"What makes you think that you're special enough for me to make an actual effort to avoid you, Lupin?  I've been busy…  Away."  He still hasn't looked up at me.  

I reach out a hand to his face, lifting his chin towards me.  He seems too shocked to react fully to this.  He lets his head move with my hands, and I can't hold back the loud gasp that emerges from my lips.

His left eye is blackened and puffy; his lip is split and slightly oozing blood.  There's a long gash on the right side of his face, starting just next to his eye and tracing along his cheekbone, down to his jaw.  His skin tone is slightly more off than usual.  There's no real yellow, sallow tone to it.  It's the color of ivory, pale and smooth, with a bit of a sickly edge to it.

"What the hell happened to you, Snape?!"  I find myself bursting out, before I can stop myself.  He attempts to sneer at me, but his lip seems to tear slightly as he does it, and he winces sharply.  

"None of your sodding business."  He pulls away from me, slamming the door shut in my face.

"Severus…"  

"Go away, damn it.  Just…" His voice holds a key of defeat in it as he speaks, as if he's forcing the words out of his mouth.  A sinking feeling appears in my gut as I hear the sound of a lock clicking.  "Just go away."

I stand still outside his door for a few minutes, my mind trying to catch up with what just happened.  I come down here to speak to the man, and I find him bleeding and broken, then get kicked out by the man that I'm concerned about.  

Something in me seems to snap, and I begin pounding on the door.  "Severus, let me the hell in, _now_."

For some reason, Severus unlocks the door, letting me in before slinking back to the other side of the room.

"Thank you…" I say, my voice barely above a whisper.  "_Please_, Severus.  What happened?"

"I was…  Sent on a mission.  For the Dark Lo-  For Voldemort."  He inhales deeply, taking a deep purple potion from inside an old, beaten looking cabinet.  He drinks the whole thing in seconds, turning to me as he drains his last drop.  "I was told to apparate to Germany, near the Black Forest…  There were people waiting for me when I got there."

"Waiting for you?"  It's my turn to sigh now, holding the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger.  "What do you mean, waiting for you?"

"Voldemort likes to test his followers' loyalty every once in awhile.  It was my turn…  I got there, and he was waiting.  I apparated right into the center of a circle of Death Eaters, I think there was nearly twenty of them…

"They took turns casting various curses on me and beating me, among various other…punishments."

"What do you mean, 'punishments,' Severus?"  I ask, smelling the fear radiating from the man.  

He looks at me.  His eyes are empty.  There's no anger in them, there's no malice.  There's a hint of sadness, a hint of exhaustion, but no more.  I've never seen his eyes like that.  So…defeated.

"Severus?"

He says nothing, simply shrugging his shoulders.  "Nothing.  Never mind."

"Sev?"

"I said never…" I cut him off before he can finish his sentence.  I pull him into my arms.  He doesn't fight me.

We stand there for a moment, not saying anything.  I run my hand through the tips of his hair.  It's very soft, not the greasy texture that James and Sirius always teased him for.  

"What did they do to you?  Are you all right?  God, what a stupid question.  Of course you're not all right.  I'm sorry…" I whisper into his ear, my grip on his slight frame tightening.  

"It's nothing that they haven't done in the past, Remus.  I should be used to it by now."

Remus.  He called me Remus.  I should be angry by what he's telling me.  I should be raging, threatening death.  But I'm just too happy that he's calling me by my first name.  

Eventually concern takes over from my exultation.

"They r-raped you, didn't they?"  A cold chuckle escapes Severus's lips.  I cringe.  "H-how many?"

The fact that Severus took a moment to answer chilled me to the marrow.  I feel the hackles rise on the back of my arms and my neck, anger filling me.  "Eight."

"Eight?  Eight?!"  I repeat, over and over in my brain as well as vocally.  They hurt him.  They violated my Severus.  _My Severus._  They hurt him.  I'm going to kill them.  "Lucius didn't do anything to help you?"

"He wasn't there.  Even if he was, there's nothing that he could've done.  As much as we care for each other, there's no way that we could aid each other when it comes to Voldemort's wrath.  To do so would just mean both of our suffering, as opposed to one or the others.  We made that agreement many years ago."  He sighs.  It seems as if the potion that he had taken earlier has started to take effect.  His shoulders sag slightly.  My arms seem to be the only things that are supporting him at this point.

"We can talk in the morning, love…  Let's get you to bed."  I say, my voice taking on a more calm tone.  He nods very slightly.  

I pick him up into my arms, cradling him like a child, as carefully as I would a newborn infant.  He directs me over to the bedroom, and is asleep before I can even open the door to the large, stone walled room.

I set him down lightly on the bed, pulling the thick bedspread up to cover him.  

I stand over him, studying for a moment.  He looks so much younger asleep.  The frown lines in his forehead and near his lips vanish completely.  His long black lashes flicker lightly over the top of his cheeks.  I find myself enchanted by him.  From the light snore to the quiet mumbles in his sleep.

Severus turns in his sleep, lying on his side facing me.  I sit down next to him, stroking his hair calmly.  I lean down, kissing him on the cheek, then the forehead, and finally a feather light kiss on his lips.

He shifts himself slightly, curling up towards my body.  I sigh, kicking off my shoes before pulling my legs up onto the bed.

Severus opens his eyes slightly at me.  I feel my heart drop to the floor.  He's going to yell at me and tell me to leave.

"If you're going to lay there like an over protective watch dog, you could at least get under the sheets."

I can feel my eyes bug out of my head as I nod, probably too vigorously.  I pull off my outer robe and place it on the floor, getting under the comforter.

Once I'm under the blankets, I don't know what I'm supposed to do.  Does he want me to curl up next to him, to just stay there until he's asleep…?

I get my answer quickly, as he curls up next to my body, burying his face in the crook of my chin.  I place my arms around him, a smile coming to my face.

"Goodnight, Remus."  He whispers to me.  God, the name again.

"G'night, Severus."  I say just as quietly, to find that he's already fallen back asleep.  "Love you."

~TBC~

This chapter sucks, no?


	6. You Ask Me What Went Wrong

Disclaimer:  I really doubt J.K.R. would have two of the adults of the same gender making out.  Although, that would be _so_ cool.

Warning: Slash ahead.  If you've gotten this far in the story, and haven't picked up on that, um…  Yeah.

-

Chapter 6: You Ask Me What Went Wrong

Severus sat, his hands folded tightly on his lap.  His gaze seemed off, as if staring at a single point, but not quite seeing it.  He barely started when a hand passed in front of his eyes.

_"Hey, we're almost there.  Snap out of it, Sev."  Lucius placed a hand on his friend's shoulder, his small smile turning into a worried frown.  "What's wrong?"_

_"I just feel like I should be going home for the holidays…  I…  I don't want to leave my mom alone with my dad when I don't really have to."  Severus blushed slightly.  "When I'm not there to take his…frustrations…out on, he turns on her.  I don't want her to get hurt because of me."_

_"Don't be foolish, Snape…" Lucius sighed deeply.  They had had that conversation far too many times over the years.  "Putting yourself in the way of his fists isn't helping anything.  Besides, my mother already spoke with Sahriya.  She's agreed to come stay for a few days during break…  Even managed to talk your sister into visiting."_

_"How the hell did you manage to drag Seraphine Rasputin out of the house and agree to a visit with her 'lowly little family'?  She's been utterly useless since she got married to that Mikhail man."_

_"Not a clue.  I think both our mums ganged up on her."  Lucius laughed.  "I think part of the deal was that your father not come.  Didn't tell him that, though.  I think your mom convinced him to go out hunting with friends for the period of time that she'd be at the Manor, or something like that."_

_"I swear my mum should've been in Slytherin, not Ravenclaw.  She can make up stories around both of us and back again."  Severus let a small smile grace his features.  It didn't stay long.  "And yet she married that bastard."_

_The two boys sat in silence, the lone passengers in their compartment.  Lucius took a sip of his pumpkin juice before speaking, attempting to change the subject.  "Sev…" He got up and stood in front of Severus.  He leaned down slowly, kissing the younger boy's lips lightly.  "Let's just try to have fun, alright?"_

_Severus simply nodded, words not wanting to escape his mouth._

_"I'll be right back.  I need to go ask Rosier about something.  He might join us on one of our days down Knockturn Alley, that is, if you don't mind."  Lucius said, a slight flush on his pale face.  "He wants to ask along a friend of his family's.  Narcissa something, I think…  She attends Beauxbatons.  Needs to know ahead of time before he can start his little 'mating ritual.'"_

_"Fine by me."  Severus couldn't hold back a grin at the look that came over his best friends' face.  His smile turned into a tender one, affection shining in his onyx eyes.  He winked at Lucius.  "He gets her, maybe he'll stop chasing after you."_

_Lucius chuckled as he slipped out the door.  _

_*Time jump*_

_Severus sat at the desk in one of the many Malfoy guest rooms three days later, attempting to write a letter.  He wrote down several sentences, before getting annoyed with the letter and tossing it behind his shoulder to the white carpeted floor.  _

_He was waiting for his mother and sister to arrive to the massive home, his nerves on edge.  What if his father had found out about his mother's plan?  If he knew that Sahriya Snape had sent him on a vacation, just to see him?  His father would be furious.  He would not stand any misbehavior in his family, be it from his wife, his grown daughter, or his fifteen-year-old son.  Silas Snape was not one to cross.  They all knew that._

_So when Lucius came to his door, his eyes downcast, Severus knew that something had gone wrong._

_"Luc?  What is it?  What…what happened?"  Severus stammered, standing up so quickly he knocked his chair backwards._

_"Silas knew.  He knew that Sahriya was…sneaking out.  One of his friends told him that his present…his vacation…was just so that your mother could come here.  He-he wasn't very happy."_

_"Fuck, no…  Please…  Tell me he didn't…" Severus mumbled, pacing across the room, his speed gaining with every step._

_Tears slid silently down Lucius's face.  "I'm sorry."_

_"No…  She's…  No.  I refuse to believe…  How?  How'd the bastard do it?  A curse?"_

_Lucius shook his head, walking over to Severus, stopping his pace.  He gathered Severus into his arms, stroking his hair.  "He beat her…_

_"Your sister was there as well."_

_"Not Seraphine."  Severus pulled away from Lucius, violently falling to his knees.  "No.  No, no, no, no, no.  They're not dead.  This is a trick."_

_"I'm sorry, but it's not, Sev."  Lucius sighed deeply, trying to control his own tears.  "Your father found them both in the study.  He cast a body bind on your sister.  Made her watch.  Beat your mum to the brink of death, then cast the body bind on her.  Made her watch Silas beat Seraphine to death._

_"She died just as the emergency healers came."_

_Severus shook his head, curling up into a ball on the floor.  He whispered to himself, rocking back and forth._

_"I'm so sorry, Severus."  Lucius got to his knees in front of Severus, taking the younger Slytherin into his arms, cradling him.  "I'm so sorry."_

_-_

It felt odd at first, lying in Severus's bed.  His arms snaked around me as he slept; his head was tucked into the curve of my neck.  I feel almost like his lifejacket, like if I let go of him, he'd drift off into some abyss.  

He mumbles in his sleep, quiet whispers that are directed to whoever's haunting his dreams.  They're not pleasant dreams.  I've had to wake him up twice since I put him to bed.  

The first time, he started thrashing about, whimpering softly, sweat beading on his brow.  I shook him, gently at first, but harder when he wouldn't wake up.  It took me at least five minutes to rouse him from whatever he was dreaming about.  Even when he woke up, he didn't seem to be awake.  His eyes were glazed, unfocused.  He looked right past me, through me.

Severus fell back to sleep within moments.

The second time, he's actually woken me up from whatever light doze I was in.  I wake up, my arms still around him.  He's gasping violently for air, as if some invisible force had their hands around his neck, crushing it.  I don't shake him this time, though.  I just hold him tighter in my arms, reassuring him that I'm here, whispering as comforting of words to him as I could.  I don't know if I've ever been as afraid for him as I am now.

He wakes up, looking at me, his eyes showing anger and fear.  He relaxes a bit when he sees who he's wrapped up in.  

"Remus?"

"Yeah, Sev, it's me…" I whisper, kissing the top of his head.  "Are you alright?"

"I-I must have taken the wrong potion earlier…" Severus Snape, make a mistake?  That can't be right.  I quirk my eyebrow, asking him as such.  He just gives me a slightly annoyed look.  "Could you reach into the drawer, in the bedside table?  There should be a small bottle, with a red liquid inside."

I do so, taking the tiny bottle in my hand.  It's half empty already, it's black wax seal seeming to be recently broken.  I hand it to him, never taking my arm from around him.  "Here you go…  What _is_ this stuff, Sev?"

"A type of sleeping draft.  It's called the Dormir de la Vie de Rouge."  He explains.  His eyes light up slightly as he explains the potion to me.  I don't know how those rumors about his wanting the Defense Against the Dark Arts job keep spreading…  All they'd have to do is look at him while he explains some random, hopelessly complex potion.  His love for potion's shines through in ways that I'm sure he doesn't even realize.  I hold back a chuckle.  Doesn't really help his reputation to have him fawning over boiling liquids.  Well, unless they were melted tar and there were people in chains.  The sad thing is, I actually heard that rumor.  Of course it came from Siri, but still…

"Dormir…de…?  What?"  I find myself blushing.  I hate admitting that I'm horrible with potions, and even more so when it comes to languages that aren't English.  I can speak a bit of Gaelic, but that's it.

"Dormir de la Vie de Rouge.  'The Sleep of Red Life.'  It's kind of like a potion for the blood…  It's carried through your blood to whatever part of your body needs to be healed."  All sleep seems to be shed from his voice, his normally deadpan, silky, voice taking on an almost excited tone.  I don't think that he has many people to discuss potions with…  I'll gladly be the one that he shares this with.  And if all else fails, and nothing happens between us, maybe I'll be able to actually make a potion to save my life.  "It also puts you to sleep, with no dreams.  Just wonderful for Death Eaters who decide to develop a conscience.  Unfortunately, it's highly addictive.

"Believe me."  He says, almost sadly.  He pulls off the top of the bottle, pouring the rest of the potion into his mouth.  "I'm the one who created it, the first person to test it, and the first person to fall."

I don't know what to say at first.  The first thing that popped into my head to say was 'wow', but that just doesn't seem appropriate.  "Did you create it for…  For Voldemort?"

"No.  I created it to rid myself of dreams.  The healing aspect just happened to be a pleasant side effect."  He says, his voice full of sleep.  I gently take the bottle from his hand, placing it back into the table drawer.  

He curls back up into me, unconsciously placing an arm around my waste.  "Thank you."

"For what?"  I ask, truly bewildered.

"For being here."  He says, the sentence trailing off as the potion takes effect, and he falls into a deep sleep. 

"You're welcome, Sev."  I kiss the top of his head and tighten my grip around him.

I watch him sleep for a while, running my hand alternately through his hair and along his side.  His thin undershirt doesn't hide much as I run my hand over his torso.  

There are countless bumps as I run my fingers across him.  Various places where his shirt seems to catch, to tear at.  

Scars.

I pull up the shirt, thankful that he's under a heavy sedative.  I feel as if I'm invading his privacy in a worse way than simply seeking him out when he's angry or in one of his, heaven forbid, antisocial moods.  My concern overwhelms my need to mind my own business.

I swear, probably too loudly, when I see them.  Countless scars, some fresh and still healing, some a deep pink, nearly brown, color.  Scars that are like someone ripped at his flesh with claws or nails.  Scars that could've only been caused by a dagger.  Burn scars, stab scars, slash scars.  There seems to be every type of scar imaginable on Severus.

My stomach drops down near the floor as I run my hands along the flesh, over the scars.  I can feel most of them hum with magic.

The scars are charmed to never fully heal.  To always cause pain.  To never fade.

I feel anger rise in my throat and vengeance take over my brain.  I carefully pull myself from Severus's embrace, smiling down on him momentarily.  I lean over and kiss him on the cheek before grabbing my shoes and robes.

It's time Dumbledore and I have a little talk.

TBC…

~Woo!  Another near 2000 words.  My muse is on a roll!~****


	7. Sleeping With Ghosts

Disclaimer:  All characters represented within belong to J.K. Rowling.  Not me, though I would love it.  Then I could get the rest of the Alan Rickman movie collection.  Damned rare and collectable movies.  Also, the title for this chapter is borrowed from the new Placebo CD.  I recommend the title track…  SO GOOD.  Inspired this chapter.

Warnings:  This is slash.  Also, if there were a step between PG-13 and R, this would be it.  Nothing terribly graphic, but you've been warned.  

-

Chapter 7: Sleeping With Ghosts

_Severus stood silent next to Lucius, his nerves on edge.  They stood in front of a dark haired man.  The man looked down at the students, an eerie smile playing across his blood red lips._

_"I bring you Severus Snape, Master."  Lucius bowed his head in reverence to the man before them._

_"Ah, Snape the younger…" Voldemort looked Severus up and down.  The sixteen year old kept his eyes to the ground, not in respect, as Lucius had, but in fear.  He tried his best to not show the effect that elder man was having on him.  "It is a pleasure to finally meet you."_

_Severus looked up at the man finally, his onyx eyes latching onto ones of red.  He tore his eyes away quickly, not wanting to disrespect the Dark Lord.  "The pleasure is all mine, sir."_

_Voldemort chuckled, a noise that Severus decided he would be quite happy to never hear again.  "And what can I do for you, Severus?"_

_Severus stood, thoughtful for a moment.  He phrased his response carefully.  "Revenge.  I want revenge against my father.  I cannot do it alone."_

_"Yes…  You want to avenge the deaths of your sister and mother."  Voldemort hissed.  "You want him to hurt, as he has hurt your family."_

_Snape nodded.  "Yes, sir.  I want to flay the flesh from his body.  I want him to scream out in pain…  I want to curse him until he can no longer hold a coherent thought.  I want him to bleed."  With every word that flowed from Severus's mouth, he felt himself losing more and more of his hard learned control.  _

_The officials at the Ministry had done next to nothing regarding the role that Silas Snape had in the deaths of his wife and daughter.  His father had bribed his way through life, and this time was no exception.  Anger flowed through Severus's body at this thought.  The anger manifested itself in his eyes; they crackled, tiny shots of lightning streaming from his eyes.  The same bolts flowed from his hands as he balled and un-balled his fists._

_"Wandless magic…" Lucius whispered to himself, shock visible in his eyes.  He'd never seen Severus as he was then, so full of anger, so passionate.  So…terrifying._

_"Yes, Lucius.  It appears that our young Severus has not only a gift for potions, but for controlling his anger as well…" Voldemort placed a hand on Severus's shoulder.  "I think that you would be a wonderful addition to my ranks, Severus."_

_Severus smiled slightly.  "Thank you, my lord."_

_Voldemort turned to Lucius, a wicked smile playing on his features.  "Let it be known that he will be initiated the night of the new moon…  After he proves himself."_

_"Prove myself…?"  _

_"Yes, Severus.  You will get your revenge.  Tonight."  Voldemort's voice was low, a dangerous tone.  He took one of Severus's hands in one of his own, then reached for Lucius's hand.  A lustful smile played across his features, sending a chill of fear down Severus's spine.  "But first…_

_"Let's celebrate."  Voldemort smiled, pulling both boys through a door off to the side of the room.  He glanced back at the door, slamming it shut with a single thought._

_Several hours later, Severus stood in front of Snape Manor, shrouded in a cloak the color of midnight.  His face was covered in a white mask, only his black eyes visible through it.  To one side stood Lucius, who snaked a hand to Severus, resting it on his shoulder.  Though Lucius wore the same mask as he, Severus could see the small, slightly nervous smile on his face.  _

_"If you want to back out, now is the time, Severus."  Lucius whispered, his hand falling to Severus's upper arm, squeezing it affectionately.  "We can go back to school and pretend like this never happened."_

_"No.  I **will** do this, Lucius, whether you want me to or not."  Severus said, his voice not quite as forceful as he would have liked.  "This bastard killed my mum and my only sister.  What would you do in my place?  Leave him sit here, proud of himself that he got away with murder?  Or would you want your revenge?"_

_"I would tear him to shreds…" Lucius admitted, nodding his head beneath the hood of his cloak._

_"Alright, let's go."  Severus took Lucius's hand in his own, leading him through the wards surrounding his home.  The younger man's face was stuck between a manic smile and a grimace as they two boys removed their masks._

_Severus snorted cynically when they reached the main foyer.  "The git was dumb enough to leave the old wards up…  Left you and me keyed in…_

_"Glad I got my intellect from my mum.  If I'd gotten it from him…"_

_"You would have realized that I am indeed smart enough to change my wards when it's needed, boy."  A cold voice said, sending a shock of fear into the raven-haired boy's body.  _

_Silas Snape stood before them, his arms crossed in front of him.  His eyes, so similar to his son's, were locked on them.  "You should never have come back here.  Do you really want to suffer the same fate as your mother and your sister?"_

_Severus took a deep breath before answering, his hand still tightly gripping that of Lucius's.  "I'm not afraid of you anymore, old man."_

_"Old man?  Who do you think you're talking to, you little nancy boy?"  Silas bellowed, pulling his wand from one of the sleeves of his robes.  He pointed it at the two boys.  "Show some respect, you little bastard."_

_"I show respect to those who've earned it.  Sadly, you're not one of them."  Severus's eyes flashed beneath the bone white mask._

_"_Placious_."  Severus whispered._

Silas fell to his knees, his body trembling.  Blood dripped from his lips as he screamed, his voice echoing through out the home.  The man attempted to fight off the curse, his face twisted in agony.  "You l-little…"

_"_Mandidulous_."  Severus no longer whispered the curse, but shouted it, spittle flying from his lips, his hair falling into his face.  _

_Lucius jumped slightly at the loud popping that came from the body of the man, every bone in his body snapping like so many pieces of dried kindling.  He looked between the father and son. _

_Lightning once again crackled about the lithe form of Severus.  The black eyes were slightly blank, as if his soul had been pushed from his body.  For the first time, he was actually afraid of Severus._

_No longer able to look at his lover, he forced his gaze on the man on the floor.  His body was mangled, misshapen, from the broken bones.  The blood flowed more freely from his mouth, pooling on the floor._

_"End it, Severus…  You've had your revenge."  Lucius whispered, his normally stoic voice now showing his no longer well-hidden fear.  "He's suffered."_

_Severus turned his head toward the blonde quickly, anger in his face.  The anger quickly melted into a look of slight fear, of exhaustion, or mourning.  _

_He turned back to his father, disgust in his eyes.  "_Patrucio_."_

Before Lucius could say another word, Silas Snape was dead.

-

It takes me surprisingly little time to find myself in front of the Headmaster's office.  I stare at the gargoyle for a moment, deciding how to go about this.  I'd like to say that my anger has gone down, but it seems that with every step towards the elder wizard's office it seems to build.  

"Blood pops."  I say quietly, watching as the gargoyle moved out of my way, revealing the stairs leading to Dumbledore's office.  I step up the stairs quickly.

"And what can I do for you at this late hour, Mr. Lupin?"  Albus asks me as I step into his office, an eyebrow quirked.  His desk is covered in scrolls of different colors, lengths, and handwriting.  For a moment I feel bad for interrupting his work, but the image of Severus covered in scars springs back into my brain.

"It's…  It's Severus, sir."

Dumbledore's eyes flash.  "What of him?"  
  


"You let him go back to Voldemort.  You keep him there, knowing full well what they do to him, what they make him do…"

"To what are you referring?"  

"You know what I'm talking about, Albus.  You know of everything that goes on in this school, so don't even try to feign innocence here."  I spit, surprising myself at my hostility.  Dumbledore seems surprised as well.  I decide to salvage what little of the conversation that I can, attempting to reign in my temper.  "Albus…  They beat him. They torture him.  They-they _rape_ him."

"I did not make him go back to Voldemort's ranks, Remus."  Albus says, getting to his feet.  "He wanted redemption for his past sins, and saw that as a way of paying his penance."

"_By letting them tear him to shreds for the past, what, twenty years?!_"  I spit, my temper yet again getting the best of me.  "And you didn't try to stop him?!"

Albus sighs.  "He is a very stubborn man…  He did…is doing…what he thinks is best.  In my eyes, he's done more than enough to free himself from this…torture…  But what I think doesn't matter.  It is solely up to him.  He is an adult, capable of making his own decisions."

"But…" I stammer, my mind racing, attempting to find some form of an argument.  Dumbledore holds up one hand, his own polite way of telling me to shut the hell up.

"Talk to Severus about this, not me…"

And with that, I leave the office.  My head is filled with more questions now than it was before I went to Dumbledore.  

Severus _chooses_ this.  He _chooses_ to let those bastards hurt him, to take him.  

I decide to walk around the school grounds to clear my head, attempting to force out my emotions along with my energy.  Times like these, I wish I were an animagus, not a werewolf.  To simply turn into something else, to run through the Forbidden Forest to clear my head whenever I wanted to.

But I know that it wouldn't do a damned bit of good.  I'd change back eventually, and the same problems would plague my mind.  

I head back to Severus's rooms hours later, just as the sun comes up, my body and mind exhausted.  I find him dozing lightly in bed, his potion still running through his body.  I kick off my shoes and clothes, and climb into the bed.  He snuggles up against me instantly, sending a smile to my face.  

"Mmm…  Where'd'you go?"  He asks me, his eyes still closed.  I run a hand through his hair slowly as I respond.

"Just for a walk…  Couldn't sleep."

"You're a piss poor liar, you know that, right?"  He mumbles, his face buried in the crook of my neck.    
  


"Yup."

"Jus' so you know."  Severus says, the words trailing away as he falls back to sleep.  I put my arms around his too thin body, still stroking his hair.  

"Sweet dreams, Sev.  I love you."  I whisper, and am surprised to hear him mumble back in his sleep.  I can't make out exactly what it is that he's saying, but I don't really find myself caring as much.

I just chuckle, kissing him on the forehead.  "You're an odd duck, Snape."  

He mumbles again, and this time I'm sure of what he's saying.  A garbled curse that brings a smile to my lips…  "Fu' you."

"Maybe later."  The smile still plays at my lips as we fall asleep together, him still held tightly in my arms.

- - -

A/N:  Sorry about this chapter.  I'm not really happy with it.  My muse took off the other day and just won't come out of that damned strip club.  Never mind.  Sorry about the delay and the extreme horror that was the seventh chapter.  

And I feel like such a slacker.  It's so short.


	8. I'll Be Yours

Disclaimer: *sighs*  I still don't own the characters within.  They're J.K. Rowling's, not mine.

Warnings:  Slash…  And a warning on the crap that this story has turned into.  My bloody muse won't leave that damned club, and I sent my invisible demon friend named Bob in to retrieve her, and now **he** won't leave…  *grumbles*

Chapter 8: I'll Be Yours

Severus sat silent, his hands crossed lightly on his lap.  'What am I doing here…?'  He asked himself, using every ounce of his will to keep his face impassive to what was happening around him.  'Why did I even bother coming?  I shouldn't be here.  It was ridiculous for him to even ask me to be here…'

_He watched the wedding procession, his mind numb from regret and several calming potions.  When Lucius had told him of his upcoming wedding to Narcissa Coulier, he had thought that he'd heard wrong.  Surely Lucius couldn't be with **her**.  Lucius was with Severus, not that woman. _

_But no.  Severus had known that it could never truly last.  Their stations in life simply wouldn't, couldn't, have allowed it.  The fabulous Lucius Malfoy, only heir of the Malfoy fortune, could never spend his life with another man.  How ever would he keep up the pure blood line?_

_Narcissa could give Lucius everything that Severus couldn't.  An heir, a high standing both in Britain, but also in France, and an even larger fortune.  Severus wouldn't have been able to boost Lucius up in England's social ranks.  He couldn't give him an heir._

_Severus had been cognizant of Lucius's 'affair' with Narcissa.  The blond haired man had not even attempted to hide it.  'It's merely to keep up appearances, love…' He'd said.  'If we have any hope of staying together nowadays, we need to keep it secret, and what better cover than my having liaisons with Narcissa.'_

_And so Severus sat, watching the man that he loved marry a woman not worthy of doing up Lucius's boots._

_As the couple exchanged rings of platinum ('For a Malfoy would never lower themselves to wear simple **gold**.') at the front of the large group of people, Severus felt his breath hitch in his throat._

_'It's real.  They're married.'  Severus thought to himself.  The only thing keeping his mind and body in control were the potions that he'd ingested before going to the wedding.  _

_Severus noticed something different about Narcissa as he stared at the now kissing couple.  A very, very slight bulge at her stomach, one that he was sure that nobody else had noticed.  It was well hidden, barely noticeable._

_'S-she's pregnant.  That fucking whore is with Lucius's child…  'She means nothing to me, Severus.  I swear it.  It's just for appearances…' My ass…  That fucking bastard.'  Severus clenched and unclenched his fists, anger rising up in him._

_Severus stood up and stormed out, not caring who he angered or embarrassed by his actions.  He had no friends at this damnable wedding.  _

_He didn't notice the hurt look in Lucius's pale eyes as they watched him leave._

_~*~_

_Severus paced back and forth across his study, his calming potions having worn off.  Fury spread through his body like fire.  With his father's 'untimely death', he'd inherited the manor and all of his family's assets, making him one of the most financially set nineteen year olds in all of Britain._

_He mumbled to himself, throwing back glass after glass of Brahm's Fire Whiskey, mixing the rage with the hot heat of the liquor.  He turned towards the door behind him as it opened quietly._

_"Severus?"_

_"You didn't have the balls to tell me that you knocked the bitch up, Lucius."  Severus watched as his now former lover's eyes widened.  "Do you think that I'm stupid?_

_"I know that you're in love with her."_

_Lucius reached out a pale hand to the younger man, to place a hand comfortingly on his shoulder.  Severus backed away from his touch as if he was burned.  "Don't touch me, Lucius.  You're a married man; you no longer have the right."_

_"I've explained this all to you already, Sev…  You know that I love you.  You know my position in all of this.  I had to do it."  Lucius's voice was barely above a whisper, his eyes pleading._

_"Oh shove it.  You had a choice, and you made it.  It was either Narcissa or me, and you chose her."  Severus hissed, throwing the bottle of whiskey across the room, watching it shatter against the wall. A slightly satisfied look mixed with anguish on his face as he saw the liquid dribble down the wall.  "You knew what you were doing…  You played both her and I for fools, played both sides._

_"Threatened her with me and vice versa.  We both needed you, and you knew it.  She needed you for money, for a higher status.  I needed you because I loved you.  And you played on both of our insecurities regarding our position with you.  If she didn't listen to you, you threatened to leave her for me.  If I didn't do your bidding, you'd run to her._

_"Well, you can't do that anymore."_

_"Severus, I never meant to hurt you, I swear it.  My parents…  My family needed an heir to continue the bloodline.  They threatened to cut me off."_

_"Yes, because you didn't have enough money stashed away.  **I **don't have enough money to keep you happy.  You selfish bastard…"_

_Severus walked back over to the bar, pulling a bottle of vodka from the shelves.  He took several chugs out of the container before turning back to Lucius, swaying slightly on his feet.  _

_"…Narcissa wants you to be the godfather to the baby."_

_"What?  You've got to be kidding me."_

_"No.  She…I…don't want you out of my life."_

_"Fuck you, Lucius.  Get out."_

_"Sev…"_

_"GET OUT!"  Severus's eyes burned in anger, bits of lightning flashing around the onyx orbs.  _

_With that, Lucius was gone, a cloud of green smoke floated where he'd been standing.  Lucius apparated back to his wedding reception, to the locked bathroom that he'd hidden in prior to secreting away to Severus's manor._

_His breath became hitched, heavy.  He felt tears rising to his eyes.  "What have I done?"_

-

A sharp sound of shattering glass greets my ears as I enter Severus's chambers.  It's been nearly two weeks since I confronted Dumbledore, but I've yet to actually ask Severus about what I was told.  And considering he seems to be in one of his…moods…now wouldn't be the time.

"Severus, what are you doing?!"  I ask, ducking out of the way of a crystal goblet as it exploded against the door.  "What's wrong?"

"Nothing-I-care-to-discuss."  With every word, he throws another goblet against the wall, leaving a pile of expensive crystal on the floor.  With the last goblet, he sinks back against the wall, running a hand through his hair.  

I walk over to him, carefully avoiding the glass.  Squatting down next to him, I attempt to take him in my arms.  He pulls away from me, as a child would.  I frown, smelling an excess of liquor on his breath.  "How much have you had to drink, Severus?"

"None of your sodding business, Lupin."  He sneers, attempting to stand up but falling to his knees.  

"It is my business and you know it."  I sigh.  Why does he always have to close himself off when he's upset?  "Did you have a bad class?  Did someone die?  What?"

"Lucius is coming to pay me a visit."  Oh, the joys of an angry Snape.  He's ever so descriptive about what's upsetting him.

"This upsets you why?"

"I said that it was nothing that I cared to discuss."  Severus manages to get to his feet this time, a scowl on his face.  

"I thought that you two were friends.  You were certainly close when we were at school."

"That…  That was a long time ago."

"What happened?"  I know better than to pry when he's like this, but it's rarely stopped me in the past.  Severus is bullheaded enough that showing concern for his well being will just make him less likely to respond.  He's always been like that.  Bloody Slytherin.

"It was a long time ago."  Severus growls.  I quirk an eyebrow at him.  He just rolls his eyes.  He seems to like that.  "We…dated…for awhile, up until I was around nineteen.  He was twenty, twenty-one. 

"He left me and married Narcissa."

I don't know what to say for a moment.  I'd known that they were…close…but not that close.  They'd rarely shown anything more than friendship while in school.  Besides, who would've thought that _Lucius Malfoy_ would give anyone a year below him the time of day?  Especially a male, no matter which house.

"I didn't know."

"Well, of course you didn't.  Not many people did…  We were very careful to keep it quiet.  It simply wouldn't do to have people find out that Sir Lucius Malfoy was a homosexual, would it?"  Severus spat.  His menacing look was diluted by the alcohol induced hiccups that started.  "We were together for…six years, I believe.  Then he left me for her.  Didn't want to get cut out of daddy's will.  Because *hiccup* **I **didn't have enough money to support us, **I **didn't have a high enough status in society.  So he started fucking _her_ on the side, then married the little French whore.  Even *hiccup* invited me to his wedding.  He came back to my house to see why I took off in the middle of the ceremony…  I'd noticed that she was preggers, and nobody had told me about it.  I mean, why tell me?  I was just *hiccup* lil' Severus Snape.  I was still his sodding lover then, too, not t' mention best friend."

"…I'm sorry.  That's horrible."  It sounds so generic when I say it, but it's heartfelt.  I truly am sorry.  If I had been in his position, I would've probably been even worse off than Severus, if it's possible.

"Know the best part?  He actually asked me if I'd play godson to his bastard child."  Severus stumbles back over to the liquor cabinet.  He takes up a crystal bottle of brandy in his hands, taking swills from it as he starts pacing.  

"Sev, do you really need to have more to drink?  You can barely stand as it is."  Of course I know better than to actually say something, but seeing him pass out in a pile on the floor wouldn't help his aching mind and heart.  I take the bottle from him as gently as I can, placing it on a nearby table.  "Come on.  He won't be here until tomorrow…  Let's get you to bed and hope that you've got some potions for the massive hangover that you're going to have tomorrow."

~*~

A/N: Sorry for the time between chapters.  I blame my muse.  And I'm debating quitting having the flashbacks in the beginning.  I dunno.  I'll see how the next chapter goes, I guess.


	9. Harder to Breathe

Disclaimer: I hold no claim on the characters represented in this story.  They belong to J.K. Rowling and whoever holds a piece of 'Harry Potter.'  Don't sue.  All you'd get would be a couple of Snape action figures and an old Pizzazz doll.

Warning: Slash.

A/N: I give up.  This story will just not come out.  Also, thank you everybody who's read and reviewed this story.  You have no clue how great it is for me to get reviews, especially from other authors that I really respect.  

I'm such a shameless praise whore. : )

Chapter 9:  Harder to Breathe

-

_He remembered that the first time that he'd seen the child, he'd nearly done a double take.  He looked so much like his father that Severus almost couldn't bear to look at him.  Not to mention that he was a sign of his failure._

_To look upon Draco Malfoy, his reluctant godson, was to see Lucius at that age.  Down to the pale eyes and skin, the white blond hair, and the superior, self-righteous attitude.  But Malfoy the younger almost seemed worse than his father.  Where Lucius was indeed a smug and haughty man, his son didn't hold any of his good qualities.  They shared the same razor sharp wit, but the boy didn't have any of Lucius's self control.  Where Lucius had always looked down on those that he saw as below him, Draco did so to a much higher degree.  He respected no one, took advantage of everyone._

_Lucius was more of a silent instigator.  When he insulted, he did it very subtly.  Draco went for the cheap insult, the casual 'mudblood' comment rather than putting forth a lot of actual effort._

_So when Severus saw the child enter the Great Hall for the beginning of the year feast, he knew that he was in for an interesting seven years to come._

_~*~_

_Severus hadn't known what to expect when he was told that Lucius was coming to Hogwarts.  His initial question had been to ask Dumbledore **why** Lucius was coming._

_"If your child was playing in his first Quidditch match, you would want to be here as well, wouldn't you?"_

_Severus nearly kicked himself at the answer.  He'd thought, been hoping, that the reason was far different.  The fact that Draco was the new Slytherin seeker, he hadn't even thought of.  Surely, he would be there to see his son beat the Gryffindors, not to visit his ex-lover._

_They sat together during the match.  It was nearly agony for Severus to sit so closely to the man that he'd loved and to not be able to act upon his longing for the blond man.  He'd felt himself fidgeting slightly during the match, and could have sworn that he'd seen Lucius do the same at one point._

_When the game ended, Severus headed back down to his dungeon rooms, painfully aware of the silence and of the man that followed him.  They'd not spoken beyond a simply greeting, and that fact gnawed at the raven-haired potions' master._

_They'd reached his room, and Severus ushered the elder man in before walking over to the bar and pouring them each a drink.  He handed Lucius one before taking a sip of his own, sitting down on the black leather couch._

_They drank their drinks in silence, before Lucius stood up, casting off his outer cloaks and robes, pulling his tie from his neck.  He pulled Severus to his feet and slowly removed the darker man's robes before pulling him into the bedroom._

_No one saw the normally perfect aristocrat leave several hours later, his hair and clothing slightly disheveled.  He visited with his son for a few moments, before walking to the entrance hall.  _

_He found a silent Severus standing there.  He nodded to him curtly before tying up his outer robes walking out the door, his walking stick tapping against the stone of the front stairs._

_They'd never spoken a word._

-

After I put Severus to bed, I go back into the living room, my mind still attempting to catch onto what's happening.  Lucius Malfoy, that Death Eater bastard, is coming to call on Severus.  Lucius Malfoy…  I'm surprised by how easily he got off for his actions in Voldemort's court.  But then again, he's got Fudge in his back pocket.  Or rather, his blasted pocket book

I try to push the image of Malfoy out of my head and attempt to pick up the shattered crystal on the floor.  I could just as easily summon a house elf to do it, but I'd rather not.  I've never been a fan of them…  Maybe it's just the way that I was raised.  Why make another being clean up the mess that you've made?  Or maybe it's because my family could never afford to keep a house elf.  

I hiss as a sharp pain in my hand brings me back to myself, out of the fog that was clouding my mind.  I look down to my right hand to see blood welling up from a cut on the palm of my hand.  I curse as I stand up and walk over to Severus's wet bar and pull a white towel from one of the drawers.  I wrap it around my hand with little fuss, gingerly tying a knot to keep the towel in place.

The bar seems to be calling my name.  I pour out a small amount of Brahm's Fire Whiskey into a glass and walk back over to the pile of shattered glass.  This time, I'm smart enough to summon a bloody broom.

I make quick work of the crystal and plop down onto the couch, sipping on the whiskey.  The whiskey burns as it goes down my throat.

The time flies quickly as I sit on the couch staring into the fire.  I think that sleep claims me after a while, because when I come to, the fire has dwindled down to embers.  I stand up, shaking the sleep from my body and mind.  

"Luc, no.  Please…  I love you.  Don't leave me.  Lucius…" Feverish moans carry out of the half open door to Severus's bedchambers.  I get up to hear what he's saying more closely, peering through the open space between the door and the wall.  The tone of his voice shifts from melancholy to anger laced with worry.  "No…  He's mine.  Lucius, leave him be…  Don't hurt him.  Remus…"

My ears perk up and my heart drops to my feet at the sound of my name.  An odd ticklish sensation starts in my stomach.  

I push the door open a bit more, slipping into the room.  I walk over to the bed, standing over Severus's still sleeping form.  His eyes are fluttering about under his lids, and his brow is covered in sweat.

I kneel down on the floor, my torso leaning against the bed.  I run a hand through his slightly sweat dampened hair. "It's alright, Severus.  I'm here.  Lucius isn't.  It's okay.  He's not hurting you, me, or anyone else, I swear it."

"R-Remus?"  Severus's eyes shoot open, his eyes unseeing for a moment before they finally settle on my face.  His face pinks slightly and his eyes narrow.  "What are you doing in here?"

"I heard you talking in your sleep.  I was worried."  I say, chuckling slightly as he brings his hand to his head as his hangover headache rushes to its full strength.  I walk over to the bathroom and bring him back a glass of water and a small purple vial.  He drinks both down quickly, a look of gratitude on his sleepy face.  "Are you really _that_ worried about Malfoy coming to visit?"

The look on Severus's face shocks me.  It's a look of resentment, of defeat.  "It's not that I'm worried.  It's not as if I haven't seen him since we split up, since his wedding.  We were still Death Eaters at that point.  We just didn't interact.

"We started interacting more and more as the months went on, being forced together by Voldemort.  We had a brief affair shortly after Draco was born.  But the conscience that I never knew that I had reared it's blasted head and I broke it off.  Several days later, Voldemort fell.  You've no idea how relieved I was.  I was already spying at that point, so it was like a breath of fresh air, corny as it sounds.

"But then his bastard child started school and Voldemort returned.  And so did…has…Lucius."

I sigh, sitting back down next to him on the bed.  I take one of his hands in my own and bring it to my mouth, kissing it lightly.  I look up, my gaze meeting his.  "It'll be alright."

"He's broken me before.  He will again.  That's the way that it goes."

Never letting go of his hand, I lean back against the headboard.  He puts his head against my chest, snuggling up against me.  "I won't him hurt you. I swear it, Severus.  You're mine now."

He looks up at me, his eyes weary yet curious.  His mouth is open slightly, as if he's about to speak, and I take full advantage.  My lips meet his as I kiss him thoroughly, taking his lower lip in between my teeth, nibbling lightly on it before going in for more.

"Do you want me here tomorrow, when he comes?"  I ask, pulling away only as long as it takes for me to ask him.  I shift both my body and his, pinning him beneath me.  I lunge towards his neck, kissing it softly.

"If-if you…want to…be here…" I nod from the hollow of his neck.  "Thank you."

"You're very welcome, love."  I nod again, this time rising from his neck to nibble on his ear.

We lay like that for a while, the petting becoming much more heavy.  I take him slowly, lovingly, as if marking my territory, my property.  Which he is.  He's mine.  And I'll not let a pompous bastard like Lucius Malfoy take him from me.

-

A/N: Grs.  Let me know if the rating is proper or if I should up it to a 'R.' It seems that there are a few things that may be a bit higher than a PG-13, but I'm not great at judging.

And, ha, I suck at writing love scenes.  Therefore, I don't.

And, the title is borrowed from a Maroon 5 song.  It makes me really want to write a lot, and it _really_ makes me want to do a song fic.


	10. Ice

Disclaimer: This is the tenth chapter.  I still don't own them.  Wish I did.  Then I could finally afford to get my serpentine belt fixed on my car.

A/N: Sorry to have implied that I was giving up on this story.  I was just having trouble writing it, and my aggravation was showing through.  I'd never planned on discontinuing it. 

Warnings: Slash.  Also, this chapter is probably an 'R', but seeing as the rest of the story isn't, I'm not changing the rating.  If you don't want to read it because of it, don't.  You've been warned.  I don't fancy having this story removed, seeing as the amount of time and effort I've put into it.  Also, it's been my most popular story by far.

Woo…  This chapter kind of got away with me.  It's over 3,800 words. :)

Chapter 10: Ice

-__

_Severus felt his skin crawl as the man touched him.  The thin hand ran itself along the flesh of his back, leaving a burning sensation as skin met skin.  Severus felt dirty as the hand pawed at him._

_"Severus Snape…  Severus Snape sounds like a snake…" The man licked Severus's ear lobe.  "Moves like one, too."_

_Snape cringed.  "Skin like velvet, hair like lace.  Hair black as night and eyes just the same.  I wonder how you taste…" The man licked Severus's collarbone, sending a shiver of fear down his spine._

_Severus pulled away from the man, his eyes slightly glazed over.  "Please…  Leave me alone."_

_"Severus Snape sounds like a snake…" The man repeated, pulling Severus back into an embrace.  Severus whimpered silently, his eyes rolling to the back of his head.  He fought a losing battle to keep his cries of fear, pain, and humiliation to himself.  'Just be quiet.  Just be quiet, and it will be over soon.  Don't say anything.  Don't move.  It'll be over soon.'_

_He cringed as the hands on his back swooped down lower.  One caressed his lower back in a mockery of what a sensual touch was supposed to be.  The other gripped onto Severus's buttock, tightening to a bruising grip._

_Severus struggled to keep up his appearance of calm, his heart racing as the other man fumbled with his outer robes.  The scent of sweat and alcohol wafted to his nose.  Severus held back a cough of food and vomit, the back of his throat burning as the stomach acid struck it._

_He was struck by a sharp, blinding pain as the man entered him raw.  The pain tore through him, making him feel as if he was being torn in half.  He fought back the tears that came to his eyes.  Severus Snape would not show a weakness, no matter what was done to him._

_He could no longer hold back his vomit as the scent of his own blood struck his nostrils._

_"Yes…  Mmm…  Severus…" The man was lost in ecstasy, sounds that were formerly words came out now as a waterfall of lustful moans.  Severus tried to block the man's voice out as he clenched and unclenched his fists._

_Severus could no longer hold back a scream as the man behind him collapsed on top of him in a sticky sweaty mass.  _

_The man stood up several moments later, casting a cleaning charm after pulling his long black wand from the floor where it fell.  A drug induced smile came over his face as he walked across the large room, pulling a large bottle of bourbon from a silver shelf on the wall._

_"Would you like some, Severus?"  The man asked, his voice low.  It held no malice, no hate; it was a strong contrast to the man's earlier actions.  Severus curled in on himself on the bed, wrapping his arms around his legs and letting his hair fall in front of his face.  The man poured out several fingers of liquor into two glass tumblers, setting one down on the blood spotted sheets next to the younger man's still form._

_The man reached out a pale hand, running it softly through Severus's hair.  Severus felt bile rising to this throat and jerked away from the touch.  "Aw, Severus…  Don't be like that.  It's your birthday.  You should be happy."_

_Severus sat up slowly, bringing a hand to his forehead as nausea overtook him.  He turned to the elder man, his eyes smoldering with emotion.  He felt his knees weaken as he looked at the man.  "…yes.  How ungrateful of me.  It's only my seventeenth birthday, and here I am, cowering after you hurt me, after you **beat** me.  I'm such a **bastard**."_

_"Sev…"_

_"Don't 'Sev' me, you sick, drunken, fuck.  Don't touch me."  The other man walked towards Severus, his hand outstretched.  His eyes focused as if he was suddenly sober, as if he'd just realized what he'd done._

_"Oh, Gods…  Severus…" The other man's lip quivered slightly, his normally pale face taking on an even lighter hue, as if going from milk to paper.  He held out his hand to the seventh year, attempting to take Severus's hand in his own.  He snaked just outside of the recently graduated man's reach.  "I-I'm so sorry."_

_"Sod off…  You've been 'so sorry' before.  's never stopped you from doing it again."  Severus whispered, his voice holding a fake, even, tone, lashing out his arms toward the man._

_"It was the Pancia.  You know that I can't control myself when I take it."_

_"So why did you take it?"_

_"I…"_

_"Exactly."  Severus stood up, gathering his disheveled, slightly ragged clothing.  He pulled on his pants and shoes quickly, his body hampered by the pain the other man caused.  He pulled his white undershirt on, the only shirt in the room that wasn't torn completely torn or blood splattered.  His bracers were stretched out of shape, and hung from his pants._

_"Severus…  I'm sorry.  I love you."  The other man pleaded with his pale eyes, his face full of honest concern and regret.  Severus felt all anger and hurt melt from his heart at the sight of the eighteen, nearly nineteen, year old wizard.  His mind screamed at him as he walked over to the man.  _

_Severus nuzzled his head into the crevice between the man's neck and chin, his eyes closed tightly to hold back the threatening onslaught of tears.  "You've done it before.  What's to stop you from doing it again, next time you're out of your mind on Pancia and liquor?"_

_"I'll never hurt you again, Severus.  I swear it."  The man placed his lithe arms around the slightly trembling form._

_"Y-you promise?"_

_"Of course."_

_Severus nodded, his head still in the crook of the man's neck.  He patted the man's white blonde hair for a moment.  _

_"I love you, Sev."_

_"I love you, too, Luc."_

_-_

I lay with Severus well into the morning, my arms wrapped around him.  We're a sticky mess, sweat sticking to the duvet and our own skin.  I wake up before him can't tear my eyes from his sleeping form.

I'm fascinated by the way his thin chest rises and falls with every breath.  I count the ribs in his torso (Which reminds me that I must make him start eating more.  He's too damned _thin_.), and find myself wanting to lick every scar on his body.

He stirs several moments later and I pull him to me tighter.

"Good morning, Severus."  I swoop down on his mouth, kissing him before he can say anything.

"Mmm…  Good morning."  He says, his voice raspy.  It's an odd thing to hear his normally deep, 'fear inducing' voice to be laden with sleep.  It adds an extra bit of sexiness to his voice.  My stomach sinks slightly as a thought of Sirius comes into my head.  He'd think that I was crazy if he could hear what I was thinking.  

Severus takes me out of my painful reverie, his hand cupping my cheek.  "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."  I say ruefully, my eyes turning downwards.

"Is it Bla… is it Sirius?"  He asks, and I'm stunned that he's done so.  Any time that I've brought Sirius, or his death, up with Severus, he changes the subject as fast as he's able.  His wonderful 'avoid it and maybe it'll go away' tactic.

"Yeah…" He gives me a questioning look, to urge me on.  "I was just thinking about what he'd think about this…us…"

He takes a moment before speaking, as if he's trying to figure out how to word his response.  "It's not exactly unknown that I didn't like him.  But I did hold a bit of respect for him, and for his work for the Order.  Frankly, the man had balls.  (Not that I'd have ever told him so, mind you.)

"It's also not a secret that he hated me just as much as I hated him.  But, I think…  I think that if he knew that you were…happy…he'd have no problem with it.  Well, at least after his threatening me and believing that I've hexed you into caring for me."  He says the last sentence with a wink, a rare smile on his face.  "He cared about you a lot.  So I think...  No, I know, that no matter who you ended up with in the end, he would have been happy just to see you content.  That's how real friends act.  And as much as I hate admitting it, he was a great friend to you."

I feel that odd ticklish sensation in my stomach again and lean down to kiss him lightly.  "Thank you…"

Severus merely smiles at me again, moving closer to me, snuggling up against my chest.  

"Now, Lucius won't be here for another, what, six hours?"  A mischievous grin comes to my face as I kiss his at his collarbone.  He flinches slightly but doesn't say anything; I can't tell if he's flinched because of desire, pleasure, of something…darker.  But lust over takes my brain as I toss the worry away.

Severus and I get up many hours later, both thoroughly exhausted yet refreshed.  I take a quick shower and get dressed, as does he.  I watch as he pulls on his best robes, seeing that the muscles in his back are taught and bunched.  They show how stressed he is about Lucius's visit, even if he would never say so.

I sit and sip on a glass of mineral water as he dresses.  I notice exactly what he's picked out.  He pulls on a white shirt with what seems like dozens of buttons up the front of it and picks up one of his black jackets from the closet.  It's much nicer than the regular jackets that he wears.  It's made of the deepest silk that I've ever seen, the bottom hem and sleeve ends embroidered in beautiful silver thread.  The buttons aren't the black ones that are generally on his robes, but each one is a tiny, silver snake.  

Where his shirt had dozens of buttons, I'd swear that his over coat had damned close to a hundred.  He buttons each one meticulously, carefully slipping each button into its hole.

It takes a moment to realize _why_ he's dressing like he is.  He wants to look nice for his ex-lover, yes (That particular though brings a stab of jealousy to my chest), but he's barricading himself.  If he can't barricade himself off completely emotionally, then he will physically at least.

He brushes his hair back slowly before finally turning to me.

"How do I look?"  He asks, his tone serious yet with a slight hint of folly.  

"Wonderful."  I look down at my own clothes.  They're fairly new robes, but they're still slightly frayed around the edges.  I don't care, though.  They're my favorites, and I've no reason to try to impress that bastard.  Besides, maybe it'll knock him down a notch to see the man he left with _me_, a werewolf former teacher who barely has a pot to piss in.

I walk over to him, taking a one of his slightly shaking hands in my own.  I bring it up to my lips, kissing it lightly.  "It'll be okay, you know.  I'm here for you."

He sighs, nodding his head.  "I know.  Thank you.  I'm just not looking forward to seeing the man who left me in so much pain that I wished I was dead for about two years after we went our separate ways…  Hell, he made me feel like that a fair amount of times when we were still together."  

A look of sorrow and anger flash across his face.  "What happened?"

"Nothing…  Nothing I care to talk about, anyway."

"Sev…" I plead.  It does him no good to keep any of this inside himself.  Damn Lucius.  Damn him for hurting Severus and damn him for making him put up these blasted walls.

"I don't want to talk about it, Remus."

I feel a snarl building at the back of my head in my mind, my almost infinite patience fading quickly.  I growl.  "**_What happened_**?"

"You know, on second thought, I don't think that I want you here when he comes."

I walk over to him, taking him by the shoulders, barely resisting the urge to shake him violently.  "Why won't you tell me what happened?  Is it truly that bad?"

Severus shakes his head, his eyes closed.  He sighs, rubbing circles on his temples, as if trying to fend back a headache.  I hate pushing his buttons; I hate making him feel pain.  I feel like some form of psychotherapist, pushing and prodding and trying to solve his problems.  But I'd rather cause him a day or two of pain, to make him healthier in the end, than not bother and have him commit suicide before his next birthday.

"Remus," He lifts his head and glances at the grandfather clock that ticks across the room.  "Please.  He should be here soon.  Will you go down to the kitchens and filch some food…  I've got plenty of wine and liquor in the cabinets, but no real food.  Should have something here to snack on for when Lucius gets here…  Maybe he'll keep his mouth shut for a bit if he's eating something."

I nod, releasing his arms.  I put my hands on his freshly shaved face, pulling him to me.  I kiss him lightly.  "Alright."

I walk over to the door, placing my fingers against my lips.  I blow a kiss to him, laughing quietly as he rolls his eyes.  "Hurry up, you prat.  He'll be here in around ten minutes."

"Yes, sir."  I walk out the door, waving my hand towards him as the door shuts behind me.

I hum quietly to myself as I walk up to the kitchens.  I pass McGonagall on my way, and speak to her for a moment.  We speak of safe topics: weather, Quidditch, Gryffindor.  Neither Sirius nor Severus come up in the several minutes that we talk.  I'm glad of that.  I don't think I could handle talking to Minerva about Sirius's death, and I don't think that the topic of my relationship with Severus would've been well received with my old head of house.

Not to mention Severus would string me up by my bootlaces if he heard me speaking to anyone about our relationship.  It's too new, too fresh.

I bid farewell to her and head to the kitchens.  I chuckle as a half dozen house elves surround me, their voices all speaking at once.  I clear my throat loudly and they all stop talking.  "Hello.  I was hoping I could acquire some food for myself and two others."

A house elf that I don't recognize steps forward, nodding her head vigorously.  "O' course, Misters Lupin.  Whatcha like?"

"Um…" I run my hand through my hair.  Severus didn't exactly specify what he wanted me to bring back.  "How about a little bit of everything?  Some meats, breads and pastries, maybe?"

"Comin' up, Misters Lupin."  She squeaks and takes off, giving directions to the other house elves around her.  They scramble about, gathering silver trays filled with biscuits and turkey and various sugary bits.  All in all, there are three trays filled to the brim with food for me to take back.  One of the elves asks if I would like help carrying them back to the dungeons, but I refuse with a smile.

"I've got it."  I pull out my wand.  "_Wingardium Leviosa."_

I walk back down to Severus's rooms in the dungeons, the platters of food floating in front of me lazily.  I resist the urge to pick at the freshly cut turkey.  It's always been my favorite of all the foods that Hogwarts has ever served to its students, faculty or otherwise.

I cringe, remembering exactly _why_ I sought out the food in the first place as I reach the door leading into Severus's rooms.  I hear two voices, speaking in hushed tones as I pull open the door slightly.  They're speaking quietly, their tones hushed.  Lucius is sitting the couch, one hand on his lap, the other idly swishing the liquor in his glass before taking a sip.

Severus is standing with his back against the wall opposite Lucius, beside the fire, his eyes blank in that way of his.  I admit I don't know him as well as some, but I do know him well enough to know that that look of his means he's either furious or terrified.  You can never really tell with the man.

Two sides of myself clash about whether to walk in on their conversation.  Part of it is the manners that my mother taught me when growing up; Elinor Lupin wouldn't stand for it.  If my sister or I walked in on, or interrupted, my mother and father when they were speaking, we'd have been grounded for far too long.  Nina and I learned fast.

After what seems like far too long to be peeking into the room, I finally put caution to the wind and walk in, not bothering to knock on the door.  I set the food down on an end table before I turn to Severus and lock eyes with him for a moment, silently apologizing for taking so long.

I hear Lucius stand up off to the side of me.  His cold voice rings in my ears, and I have to fight the urge to smash his head against the wall.  "Mister…  Lupin, is it?  Don't you knock?"

"Rarely."  I smile slightly, a hint of sarcasm and fake serenity in my voice.  I wink at Severus before turning to the elder Malfoy.  I lower my voice an octave, my voice coming out close to a hiss.  "Long time no see, Malfoy."

"Not long enough, lycanthrope."  His pale blue eyes flash.  The urge to hit him returns to me full force.  I reign in my temper and slowly walk over to Severus.  I lean in close to him and whisper into his ear.  

"Sorry it took me so long, love.  Ran into Minerva on the way."  I raise my voice to its normal level and turn so I can face both Severus and Lucius.  "Have I missed anything of interest?"

"No…  I was just discussing something with our resident Potion's Master…  Now, exactly _why_ are you here, Lupin?"  Lucius's eyes narrow at me, his voice faux calm.  "Shouldn't you be off chasing your tail or something equally canine?"

I turn my gaze to Severus, who shakes his head very slightly.  Ignoring Lucius's asinine comments, I turn back to the blond Slytherin.  I attempt to hold back a smile.  "Well, I'm here to make mad, mad love to Severus."

It takes all of my strength of will not to smile as Lucius's eyes widen slightly, and he begins sputtering.  Severus does the same.  "Excuse me?"

"Sorry…  Couldn't hold that one back.  Sev and I are working on an experiment."

"What…?  'Sev'?"  Lucius turns to Severus, his eyebrow raised in a smarmy smile.  "You let him call you 'Sev'?"

Severus glares at me for a minute before speaking.  "_No_, I don't."  He gestures to the food.  "Why don't you take some food, Lucius?  I need to talk to Lupin about our little 'experiment.'"

Lucius nods curtly before walking over to Severus and leaning in to whisper into his ear.  I barely manage to push down a flash of jealousy.  With the next full moon only a week and a half away, my senses are ten times that of a normal man, so I don't have to try very hard to hear what he's saying.

"Get rid of him, Severus.  We need to have some time to…talk…ourselves."

"I told you it was over, Lucius.  I don't know why you even bothered to come here."

"Oh, don't be like that.  You weren't like that _last_ time we were together outside of our meetings with the Dark Lord."  A smile comes over Lucius's face; I find myself wanting to slap it off.  "If I recall correctly, we had quite a good time."

Severus turns towards me, his face expressionless until his features are out of Malfoy's range of sight.  His shoulders remain squared and stoic, but his face is anything but.  His eyes show a spectrum of sorrow and anger, but in my heart, I know that the anger is not directed towards me, but to the other man.  

"Severus, could I talk to you in the other room for a moment?"  I ask him quietly.  I don't bother to mask the emotion in my voice.  

He nods, and I pull him into the bedroom.  Before he can say a word, I sweep him into my arms and kiss him with a passion that neither of us knew that I had.  I pull away from him only when I feel as if I may pass out from a lack of oxygen.  

"I'm sorry, Remus."  I nuzzle at his neck, conveying the only form of acceptance of his apology as I can.  

"We shouldn't stay in here too long.  He'll suspect something…" Severus says.  The worry in his voice shines through like a beacon in the night.

"Let him."  I kiss him again.  He pulls away sooner this time.

"I'm serious…" Now I'm definitely worried.  There's an added bit of emotion to his voice.  Fear.  "Why don't you go for a bit, let Lucius and I talk for a while?"

"I thought you wanted me here…"  

"I do…  But I don't think that I'm quite ready for Lucius to know that not only am I seeing someone but that the person I'm seeing is a former _Marauder_?  Lucius is petty enough to use that an excuse to run back to Voldemort and I'd more likely than not be found out as a spy.  The Order can't afford that."  He sighs as he finishes speaking.  "So until that bastard falls, we can't afford to flaunt this…relationship…around.

"Even now, if Voldemort knew, he would kill me."

When he finishes speaking, I can't help but sigh ruefully.  I knew all of this in the back of my mind, but I didn't want to admit it to myself.  I knew that we could never go truly public with our…  Is it a relationship?  Is it mutual satisfaction?  I don't know.

I kiss him again and smile.  "I know.  I'm sorry.  I won't push that bastard's buttons anymore…" I sigh.  "I'll leave you guys alone for awhile."

I take his hand in mine and bring it up to my mouth, kissing it softly.  "I'll be back in an hour."

"Alright."  Severus smiles one of his rare, genuine, smiles.  "I love you, Remus."

"I know."  I wink at him as we walk out of the room.  I turn to Lucius with a sarcastic grin before leaving the room.

As the door shuts behind me, I can hear Lucius's words.

"About time…"

- - -

A/N: I want to thank all of the reviewers who were concerned over whether this story would be continued or not.  That tells me that I must be doing _something_ right.  I love you all.


	11. Requiem

Disclaimer: The characters represented in this story belong to their creator, J.K. Rowling and who else has their claim to the 'Harry Potter' universe.

Warnings: Slash and angst ahead.  Also, there's a slightly disturbing bit (at least to me) in the flashback.  Nothing too graphic.

Also, I apologize for the amount of time this chapter has taken.  My muse is a tricky little spit.  Between Kali (my muse) and Bob (my invisible best demon friend who lives in the backseat of my car), I think my sanity's gone.  Not to mention I go back to college in just over a week, and am taking two writing courses.  Hmm…  I wonder if my prose professor will let me hand in Harry Potter slash for a grade?  Muah ha ha.

And to waste more time, woo!  Jem's going to be on DVD!  And I'm happy!  Woo!  Yes, I'm a geek. : P

Chapter 11: Requiem

-

_Severus sat at the bar of the small club, his cloak pulled tightly around him.  The music around him was nearly ear shatteringly loud; the base rang in his ears like an exaggerated heartbeat.  The drink in front of him stood full, water beading on the glass and dripping onto the wooden bar._

_He hated waiting for people._

_He unconsciously shifted his cloaks, making sure that his left arm was covered before reaching a steady hand out to his drink.  He dipped one thin finger into the brass colored liquid, bringing the liquor covered finger to his mouth.  Severus licked it off for a moment before scowling as a man sat down beside him._

_"Fancy seeing you here, Snape."_

_Severus quirked a brow at the short, slightly soft-in-the-middle man before speaking.  "Yes, fancy that."_

_"They sent me to make sure you made it."  The man lowered his voice so low that Severus had to strain to hear it through the music.  "The Dark Lord missed your presence last night."_

_"I couldn't make it…"_

_"And why is that?  What makes you so special that you can blatantly ignore an order from our Lord?"  Peter Pettigrew asked, taking Severus's drink in his own pudgy fingers, swallowing it in two gulps.  Severus glared at him, though it was nothing new.  He had a very hard time believing that the former Marauder was now a member of Voldemort's ranks, and his contempt that was left over from their school days together had never quite faded._

_"It is really none of your business, you little rat."  A mischievous glimmer struck Pettigrew's eye, giving Severus the urge to hit him.  "If the Dark Lord wants to know my reasons, he can ask me.  He doesn't need to send his lowest ranking followers to play babysitter."_

_"You realize that if I tell him what you just said, he might kill you?"  Severus nodded his head slowly.  "Either way, I was to collect you as well.  He wants to speak to you."_

_"Fine, give me a moment to use the bathroom, will you?  Or is my babysitter going to have to accompany me there as well?"  Severus sneered.  _

_Pettigrew's eyes narrowed as his face pinked slightly.  "You've got five minutes."_

_Severus nodded curtly before standing up and tossing several large coins onto the bar.  He made his way carefully to the back of the bar and into the bathroom.  He sealed the door with two spells, one to block out any noise that he'd make, and one to make sure that no one could enter._

_He went over to the sink, turning on the cold tap.  He placed his hands into the flow of water, allowing it to saturate his hands.  He brought his now cooled hands up to his face and neck, wiping the water onto his too warm body.  Severus cast a critical stare into the mirror above the sink._

_Severus ran a hand through his hair; it fell several inches below his shoulders, an onyx wave of hair.  'This is getting to be too much…  I'm sick of playing both sides…  Teaching at Hogwarts during the day and being a 'faithful follower' to Voldemort at night._

_'Not to mention that the man's losing his sodding mind.  His goals before were simply to make sure that witches and wizards were supreme, but now…?  All the bastard's doing is killing and torturing whoever pisses him off, no matter if they're muggles or magic folk alike.  He's killing everyone from small, muggle, children to adult wizards, who simply don't see things from his point of view…_

_'I've been a member of his circle for how many years now?  Six?  Hell, I only joined so I could get revenge for mum and Sera.  Now I'm saddled to this crazy prick forever?  I'm twenty two fucking years old, and I'm stuck with a madman on one side and Lucius Malfoy on the other.'_

_Severus sighed at his reflection, bringing a tired hand up to the mirror._

_"C'mon, Snape.  We're late."  Pettigrew's sausage fingers rapped wildly against the bathroom door, causing a snarl to escape Severus's lips._

_"Go to Hell, toad."  Severus tore the door open, his face set in what his students considered his 'most terrifying' look.  Severus didn't understand exactly why they thought it was, but he didn't argue.  His face remained slightly passive, though his eyes fumed with anger and annoyance.  Severus grimaced to himself.  'They've not seen anything yet.'_

_Severus walked out of the club, his head held high.  He had to keep himself from snickering as Pettigrew attempted to keep pace with him._

_The two wizards apparated to Voldemort, green smoke surrounding their forms.  Severus glanced at the woods around him before bowing deeply toward the back of the black-cloaked man in front of him._

_"And where were **you** last night, Snape?  Are you now **too good** to report to me, as everyone else does?"  Voldemort hissed, his fingers working furiously on a stone table set in front of him.  Severus strained his eyes to see what he was doing, but couldn't see._

_"I beg your forgiveness, my lord."  Severus said, his voice even.  "I could not escape Hogwarts without my presence being missed.  There was a meeting with the rest of the staff.  I couldn't leave the grounds without Dumbledore getting suspicious."_

_"I see…" Voldemort said, finally turning towards Severus.  "Come here, Severus."_

_Severus walked the few feet to Voldemort, his eyes cast to the ground.  "Yes, Master?"_

_Voldemort gestured to the table with one skeletal hand.  It takes everything Severus has to not vomit at the site before him.  A small, more likely than not muggle, baby lay dead on the table.  Severus felt dizzy at the sight of the small child spread out on the table like a Christmas ham._

_"A present, Severus…  The final ingredient of the Les Esclave de la Nuit potion."  He pointed towards a tiny liver in a glass jar next to the child.  "A single drop of this potion will have anyone become my slave: they'll not need to eat or sleep.  They'll hold no thought other than to serve me, to please me."_

_"I expect it to be finished by tomorrow evening."_

_"Yes, sir.  Of course."  Voldemort handed the young Death Eater the glass jar.  Severus slid the jar carefully into his satchel before bowing once more to Voldemort.  His mind whirled as he apparated back towards Hogwarts._

_Severus walked past the apparation borders of Hogwarts, finding Professor Dumbledore standing just outside the main doors, speaking in light tones to Professor McGonagall.  The weight of the jar in his bag grew exponentially as he got closer to his former professors._

_"Ah, good evening, Severus."  Dumbledore said, his eyes glowing.  McGonagall said her goodbyes quickly, leaving Severus alone with the elder wizard._

_"Hello, Professor."  Severus's gaze fell to his feet, his mouth running ahead of his mind.  "I…  I need to talk to you.  About Voldemort."_

-

I stand outside of Severus's rooms for a moment, my hands shoved deep in my pockets.  I do **not **want to leave Severus alone with that man, but I've no choice.  Everything was going great, but now he has to show up.  Is this some form of Karmic thing?  Sirius is dead, I mourn.  I find happiness, or some semblance of it, with Severus, and now he could be torn away from me in the space of a single afternoon.

I turn on my heel away from the rooms, opting to walk away while I can.  If Lucius came out and found me spying on them, I'd be hexed horribly.  Hell, if Severus found me spying…  

What phrasing…  Spying…  That's what got us into this problem in the first place.  If Severus weren't spying for the Order, he would never be forced to cooperate with that slime.  But then again, if he'd stopped spying, the side of the light would've probably had our asses handed to us by now.  I don't know if anybody actually realizes all that Severus risks.  Every time he apparates to a meeting with Voldemort, he risks never coming back, he risks mental and physical torture…  He risks his soul, corny as that sounds.

I shake my head and head back down to the kitchens, if just to keep myself busy.  I don't think that I could handle sitting and chatting with Dumbledore, and I don't fancy running into that prat Lucius's bastard son.

Unfortunately, the fates aren't flying by my side today.  Just as I'm about to tickle the pear, who rounds the corner but Malfoy and his followers; I walk into the kitchens before I'm tempted to punish the boy, if for no other reason than being born.  I don't care if he's a 15-year-old child who doesn't even **know** that his father was at one point screwing his potions master.

I take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves and temper.  Gods, what that man does to my mood.  Up, down, up, down.  

I shoo away several house elves, opting to simply take some coffee back to my own chambers.  I close and lock the doors to my room before sitting down on the couch and lighting a fire with my wand, grasping the large mug of caffeine infused liquid in my hands, letting the heat permeate my digits.  My rooms may not be in the dungeon, but they're not in Gryffindor tower, either.  I don't know how such a magic filled castle is always so damned cold.  

Attempting to keep my mind off of Severus (and Lucius), I drain the last bit of coffee from the cup and set it down on the table next to me.  I summon my sketchpad and charcoals to me and pull a wooden board out from beneath the couch.  I tear a piece of the massive paper and attach it to the board before pulling a fresh piece of charcoal from the box.

I close my eyes so tight that white spots appear behind my eyelids, waiting for inspiration to overtake me.  I put the coal to the paper, and am surprised by the passion that fill my fingers and my mind.  My fingers fly across the page; my nails are blackened by the black dust.

When I finally look, _really_ look, at the paper, I'm fairly shocked by what's flown out of my mind and onto the formerly white page.  It's Sirius.

Well, not just Sirius.  It's him, sitting on a blanket over looking the rippling lake, smiling alongside James.  The paper and coals are charmed to make whatever is drawn with them move, like photographs in the wizarding world.

Sirius picks up an odd apple from the ground and takes a bite or two from it.  James releases, and catches, a tiny little snitch that he pulled from the pockets of his Hogwarts robes.

If I was shocked to see Sirius and James staring back at me, I'm flabbergasted by the lone figure that sits in the background.  The child has black hair, shorn to just above his shoulders.  He turns around to look at Siri and James every once and a while, as if afraid and annoyed at the same time.  It's Sev.

Gods, I can't even escape Severus when I'm drawing.

I set the paper and board down and toss the charcoals to the floor; they shatter upon impact.  I groan and swear before pulling out my wand and charming them back together, cleaning up the black, dusty mess as well.  I tear the paper from the board and walk over to the fire.  I stare down at the paper and watch the three boys on it.  The drawing isn't terribly detailed, but I can still see the (fairly well hidden) fear on Severus's face every time Sirius glances his way.

I sigh deeply, brushing my hand by the too small figure of Severus, and a tear comes to my eye.  I bend down to the fire and place the picture in it.  Sirius looks slightly cross as the flames lick at the paper, but James looks pleasant, a wise smile on his face.  James waves at me before the fire consumes the paper completely.  I can't bear to look at Severus.

The fire burns down quickly, being magically started with very little actual fuel to keep it alive.  I finally glance over at the small clock that sits on the mantel above the fireplace.

It's only been and hour and a half since I left Severus and Malfoy alone together.  I pace back and forth across the room before now looking at the clock on my wrist.  I swear again, this time far more loudly than I really intend to.  I glance sheepishly to the mirror on the wall.

"Young man…  Such language…" The mirror admonishes me, its voice quiet and feminine; it reminds me of my grandmother's voice.  I blush slightly at the fact that I've just been 'told off' in a sense, but a _mirror_.  Gods, the four founders must have had a field day designing this place and what's in it.

"Sorry…"  

The mirror 'hmphs' at me as I walk out the door, my mind set more on getting down to Severus's rooms than apologizing to talking mirrors.

-

To be continued…

A/N: I'm debating writing next issue from Severus's point of view, about what happens between he and Lucius during their 'meeting.'  I know it's a departure from eleven chapters worth of story from Remus's telling, but it's just an idea.  What do my faithful readers think? : )

Also, _Les Esclave de la Nuit _is a horribly butchered way of saying 'The Slaves of the Night.'  There's a reason I nearly failed French.


	12. Broken

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters represented herein.  They belong to J.K. Rowling and whoever else owns the Harry Potter series.

Again with the PG-14 rating.  Even though it's really not that bad.  Just some violence.

Chapter 12: Broken

-

_Severus Snape cowered as he heard his father's voice boom as the footsteps came closer.  His fingers curled tighter around the teddy bear in his hands as he stepped as far away from his bedroom door as he could._

"Where the hell are you, boy?"  A voice called from the hallway outside his room.  Severus felt his stomach drop to the floor as he did the same, crawling under his bed.  

_"It'll be okay, Alloicious.  Maybe he'll just go right on by, an' go to his study an' sleep it off.  Or maybe he'll go back t' the bars."  Severus' voice shook, a choked whisper.  His grip on his bear tightened exponentially as the door swung open violently._

_"So, you think you can hide from your father, eh?  Get out here, you little brat…" The man stomped over to the closet opposite the bed and threw the door open.  Severus winced as he heard the wood crack slightly as the door slammed into the wall.  _

_The man rifled through the closet for several moments, sending boxes of toys and clothing to the floor in giant heaps of wood, plastic and cloth.  "Gave up on your usual hiding spot, hmm, Severus?  Well, where oh where could you be?"_

_Severus screamed as the bed he was cowering under was lifted up and knocked over, landing upside down on the floor.  The young boy cried in pain as it landed on his ankle with a snap._

_"You never were a smart one, boy."  The man mocked, walking over to the bed.  A menacing smile took over his pointed face as he pressed down on it with his foot; his smile widened as he heard cracking come from Severus's leg, causing the boy's cries to turn into sobs._

_"D-daddy…  P-p-please…" Severus whimpered, still clinging to his bear._

_"P-p-please what, you little brat?"  Silas Snape asked, his voice full of loathing and mocking.  _

_Severus started hyperventilating, his eyes wide in pain and fear.  "Speak up, boy."_

_"You're h-hurting me." _

_He stopped pushing on the bed and knelt down shakily on drunken knees to his son's level.  "Oh, I'm hurting you, am I?  I'm causing you pain?"_

_Severus nodded his head as tears rolled down his cheeks in hot, salty waves.  _

_"I **told** you to speak up, you little bastard."  Silas backhanded Severus, sending his head slamming against the wooden floor.  "Nodding is not an answer."_

_"Y-yes, father.  You're hurting me."  Severus whispered, shakily feeling the back of his head with his small hands.  He felt himself loosing control again when he saw that his fingers were covered in blood.  "Why?"_

_"Why what?"_

_"Why do you hurt me?"_

_"Because you were born."  Silas hissed.  "And I'm counting down the days until I can send you to school and be done with you."_

_The elder Snape charmed the bed off of his son and onto its legs before summoning a house elf to clean up the rest of the mess.  _

_"Where's Mum?"  Severus asked, ashamed at the high timbre of his voice._

_"She's off shopping with your sister."  Silas let out a huff of air, irritated.  He flipped his hand in the air; Severus couldn't tell if it was in anger or in mocking.  "Has to pick up her school supplies for this year."_

_"W-when can I go to school?"  Severus's voice was nearly inaudible._

_"In four and a half years, you little piss-ant.  What?  You forgot how to count?"  Silas sneered.  "After all of those private lessons that I've paid for, you can't even subtract six and a half from eleven?_

_"Are you trying to be funny?  Trying to 'tame' me, like your sodding mother does?  'Oh, you're drunk, Si.  Go to bed, Si.'"_

_Severus began praying silently as he apologized aloud to his father.  "I'm sorry, father."  He whimpered as Alloicious was torn from his hands.  "No!"_

_"Oh, are you attached to this little bugger?  You're six years old.  You should be practicing hexes on toads and learning to fly, not cuddling up to some ragged toy.  You need to start being a **man**."  _

_Severus's hair bounced around his head as he nodded vigorously, reaching for his bear at the same time.  _

_"You don't need to be playing with Sera's old toys.  Don't want to be a little 'nancy boy', do you?"  His voice took on a razors edge as he said the last bit, sending chills down the boy's spine._

_"N-no.  But, please, give me Alloicious back.  Sir.  Sera gave to me."_

_"I don't think so."  The sneer returned to Silas's face as he tossed the bear up, crying 'Incendo' and burning it before it hit the ground._

_Severus felt tears well up in his onyx hued eyes as bits of fluff fell to the floor.  "…Alloicious."_

_Silas turned to the house elf cleaning near the bed.  "Fix him up and don't let him out of his room.  He's grounded."_

_Severus knew not to respond to his fathers bait.  If he responded, it would only mean another beating._

_"Yes, sir."  The elf bowed as the Silas stomped out of the room.  The young, female, elf turned to Severus, walking carefully toward the boy.  She took Severus's ankle in her hands, earning a whimper.  "It's broken.  An' your head doesn't look ver' good, either.  I'll just pop down t' the kitchens and get the first aid kit."_

_"No!  Please, don't leave me, Zazz."  Severus pleaded._

_"I have to, Severus.  I'll be back in a tick."  With an audible popping sound, the elf was gone._

- - -

I find myself irritated as I approach Severus's rooms, anger prickling at the back of my mind.  Light classical music flows through the crack of space under the door, but nothing else. 

The door is locked, heavy charms making sure that no one can get in.  I hate it when Severus puts those up.  It scares me.  I never know what's happening inside, or if something's wrong.  He could be dying in the next room, and I would never know because of these damned charms.

I rap my fists against the door once, then twice.  By the time I knock for the fifth time, I don't know whether I'm more irritated or worried.  Did they leave and Severus didn't tell me?  Or are they…falling back habits?  But Severus wouldn't do that to me.  He just wouldn't.  He's a good man.

Finally I pull my wand out and attempt to knock the charms down.  Thankfully, he's only put up simple charms tonight, and I break them down within five minutes.  If I wasn't so used to these rooms, I'm sure that it would've taken quite a while longer.

I walk into the rooms to find Severus sitting alone on the couch, his legs crossed in front of him, a thick blanket around his shoulders.  His hair is wet, as if he just stepped out of the bath.

"Where's the little bastard?"

"He's gone."  Severus stands up, pulling the blanket up with him.  His voice is dull, tired.  "Left about an hour ago."

"Good riddance to bad rubbish."

Severus snorts, wrapping the blanket tighter around him.  He walks over to the fire, putting it out with his wand.  "I think I'm going to get some sleep."

I walk over to him and wrap my arms around his torso.  I bury my face in his hair, inhaling the scent of vanilla and patchouli.  "Would you like some company?"

He stiffens in my arms.  "Not tonight, Lupin.  I'm tired."

"Oh.  Alright, then."  He pulls out of my arms, leaving me with a cold, heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach.

He opens the door to his bedroom and slips through, his voice carrying as he closes it behind him.  "Lock the doors when you leave, please."

-

TBC.  Also, I apologize for the length of this.  I feel so lazy.  But I'm trading in my computer tomorrow for a new one, and I wanted to hurry up and get this chapter out before I start the battle of transferring and loading up that bad boy.  (Got to love the laptop program at my college.)


	13. Mirror

Disclaimer: Don't own, never will.  J.K.R. does.

A/N: This chapter is from Severus's point of view.  I don't expect to do this often, but I figured that someone might want to see what happened during Sev's little, um, rendezvous, with Lucius.

The 'current/now' part starts with Severus's visit with Lucius, then melts into the last chapter.  

Chapter 13: Mirror

-

_"Sirius?__  I think we need to talk."  Remus said quietly, placing his hand on the raven haired boy's shoulder._

_"Oh?  'bout what?"  He asked, cursing as Peter squealed 'Checkmate!'  Sirius glared at the pudgy boy, annoyed.  "Oh, shut it, Pete."_

_"Padfoot?"__  Remus urged._

_"Oh, yeah."__  Sirius stood up, gesturing towards James as he sat down to the chessboard.  "I play winner."_

_James looked between Sirius and Remus, his face more serious than usual.  "If you're back by then.  Good luck, Siri."_

_"Yeah, yeah."__  Sirius mumbled.  He rolled his eyes as he followed Remus up the stairs.  When they stepped into the seventh year dormitory, the young lycanthrope cast silencing and locking charms.  "Why all the cloak and dagger, Remy?"_

_"We need to talk about…the Incident."_

_"What?  The 'Incident'?  What the hell are you talking about?"  Sirius asked, plopping down onto his bed.  He laid down against the pillows near the headboard and pulled a Chocolate Frog from his nightstand._

_"Two years ago.  The Shrieking Shack."_

_"You just said it yourself.  That was two years ago.  What more is there to talk about?"  Sirius asked, biting the head off of the candy._

_"That's exactly it.  We've barely discussed it."  Remus sighed, sitting down on his own bed.  "That wasn't just a trick played on a guy that you don't like.  That was attempted murder, and you knew it.  You **knew what you were doing, but did you even think about what you were doing?  Letting Snape know that I'm a werewolf?"**_

_"Actually, I hadn't even thought of that."  Sirius sighed._

_Remus shook his head in confusion.  "What?"_

_"I hadn't exactly thought it all through."  Sirius ran a hand through his hair.  "I'm not exactly great at thinking things through…  I just wanted revenge on him for getting me that detention from Professor Watson.  He's her little pet, and it pissed me off that he got off with five points off of Slytherin and I had to help Hagrid clean out the stalls."_

_"Yeah, because the reverse **never** happens when we're in Transfigurations or DADA or even Care of Magical Creatures."__  Remus huffed.  _

_Sirius just shrugged._

_"So why'd you have to get me involved?  Severus hates me even more than he would have before because of your 'little prank.'  He'd never had anything against me really, but you changed that."_

_"Why do you care?  Even if you didn't hate each other, you certainly weren't friends."_

_"I dunno…  I guess it's the pacifist in me."  Remus let out an uncharacteristically harsh laugh.  "A werewolf who's a pacifist…  Bet there's not many of those in the world."_

_Sirius chuckled.  "Probably not."_

_The two sat in an uncomfortable silence for a moment before Remus sighed.  "You do know that I don't believe your excuse of Professor Watson's giving you a detention?"_

_"…Yeah, I know."_

_"You've always been a piss poor liar."_

_"…"_

_"So why did you really do it?"  Remus inquired.  "Was there some girl you were both after?  Was it because Severus called Lily a mudblood?  Why?"  _

_Sirius sighed deeply.  "Because I thought I had a crush on you, alright?"_

_Remus's__ eyes widened, his eyes shining in the dim light of the bedroom.  "**What?"**_

_"Relax, I don't anymore.  It was nothing, even then.  It was just friendship that I overestimated, or underestimated, or whatever."  Sirius stood up and began pacing back and forth across the room.  "It wasn't anything serious.  I'm straight."_

_"Wow."  Remus mumbled.  It was his turn to run his hand through his hair, his mind whirling.  _He had a crush on **me**?  But_…_  "But that still doesn't explain why you tried, well, why you succeeded, in making Severus and I hate each other?"__

_"I thought that you were going out, or close to it."_

_"You thought I, Remus Lupin, a GRYFFINDOR, was going out with SEVERUS SNAPE, a SLYTHERIN?  Are you nutters?!"  Remus practically screamed._

_"Yeah, yeah, yeah…  I already feel like a big enough prat, just pile it on…"  Sirius griped.  "I was wrong, okay?"_

_"Still…"  Remus shook his head, his badly in need of a trim hair falling in his face.  "What made you think that I was seeing him?"_

_"You were spending an awful lot of time with him."_

_"He was giving me extra lessons in Potions, at Professor Watson's request.  You know how bad I am in that class."_

_"Extra lessons?"__  Sirius huffed.  "Why didn't you tell me?  Or have me tutor you?  You know I get good marks in that class."_

_"Watson felt that it would be better to get lessons from someone other than my best friend.  She didn't think that we'd get a lot of actual work done."  Remus stood up, walking over to the window and the jug of cool water that sat near it.  He poured a small amount in a glass, drinking it down in one gulp.  "Besides, you may make good marks, but Severus pulls down the best grades in there, no matter which house you look at.  Hell, no matter which year you look at.  His potions rivaled those of the seventh years back when we were eleven."_

_"Okay, okay, you've made your point and I've spilled my guts.  Happy?"_

_"Yeah.__  Thanks for finally being honest with me."  Remus smiled.  He winked at the other boy.  "You don't still have a crush on me, do you?"_

_"Hell no.__  I've been seeing that Ravenclaw, Alexis Crowe, for about a month now."  Sirius blushed slightly._

_"And you didn't tell me?"_

_"I didn't want you to say 'I told you so' if we split up."  _

_"Fair enough."__  Remus poured more water in the glass, sipping on it.  "Want to go see if you can still get in a game with the winner?"_

_"Sure."_

-

The silver bracelet around my wrist seems to be moving like mercury as he speaks.  I don't know if it's charmed to do so, or if I'm simply hallucinating;  I don't know which I'd prefer.  He's sitting across from me on the couch, simply staring at me, always staring, always contemplating.

He gave me this bracelet the moment that Remus left.  'I saw this and I thought of you' he said.  It's a rather nice bracelet, wide, and silver.  Perfect for covering up my scars.  He knew that of course.  No lover, past or current, would _ever_ have scars on their bodies from suicide or self-mutilation.  The scars that he caused are fine of course.

We've sat in silence for the past five minutes.  Not the silence that we used to have.  It's the silence that sits heavy and thick in the air, the silence of unspoken words and thoughts.

"Why are you here, Lucius?"  I find myself asking, wanting to kick myself the moment the words come out.

He quirks one perfect eyebrow at me, his eyes glittering.  Gods, those eyes…  "I'd think that would be fairly obvious, Severus."

It's my turn to quirk a brow.  "Well, I'm afraid it's been a stressful time as of late, so no, I don't know why you've suddenly decided to 'pop in.'"

"I was talking to Draco last week…  He tells me that his Potions master seems to be much more sedate lately.  And the only time I've known you to be like that is when you're…how do I phrase this?  Oh, I know.  When you're _fucking somebody."  Lucius hisses the last words, his eyes no longer glittering, but flashing in anger, and what appears to be jealousy.  Of course.  He's never liked other people to play with his 'toys.' _

"Well, I don't think it's any of your business who I spend my nights with." And mornings, and afternoons, I smile inwardly.  "You gave up that claim long ago."

"Oh, and we're back to this again.  Will you never forget our past?  Look forward to what could be our future?"

I shake my head.  "I cannot over look the past when the proof of it stares back at me while I'm teaching my class."

Lucius sighs in frustration, and I almost start snickering.  It's not an easy thing to get him riled up so quickly.  Of course, he's always been rather good at controlling his emotions; it's a must when you're in Voldemort's inner circle.  It simply wouldn't do to cry out when tortured or to flinch when that lunatic murders someone.  You'd be the next on the chopping block.

"Shall you hold my marriage and son over my head forever, Severus?"  He asks, standing up.

"Yes, I believe I shall.  How many times do I have to tell you this?  You made your choice long ago."  The urge to laugh no longer reigns in my mind.  It's replaced quickly with a burning anger.  "You chose to get married and have a child.  I chose a different path."

"Oh, your 'path'?"  Lucius walks over to the bar and pours himself a drink.  "You turn your back on your talents to become a _Potions master_ of all things.  You could've been something great, Severus, and not just by serving the Dark Lord.  You've squandered your talent in this hellhole, and now you're nothing but a sarcastic, bitter, aging man.

"And you've still not told me who you're buggering."

"And I do believe that I told you that it's none of your business, hm?  My private life should no longer be of any concern to you."  I stand up as well and walk over to the table, picking a biscuit up in my hands.  I pick at it before speaking.  "Besides, I've not admitted to seeing anyone…"

"You don't have to.  It's the way that you act."  Lucius slams the rest of his drink.  "You forget that I _know_ you, Severus.  I _know how you act when you're in a relationship._

"Not to mention the fact that when you opened the door to talk to Lupin, I spotted clothing that most _definitely isn't yours hanging over the chair in your bedroom."_

"And how do you know whatever you saw doesn't belong to me?"

"It was brown."  Lucius walks over to me, taking part of my robes in his hand.  "And you, most certainly, do not wear brown."

Damn it.

It's nearly unbearable to stand this close to him, to know that I can't have him.  His sharp, clean citrus smell fills my head and I feel my knees weaken slightly.

No.  I can't do this.  I can't hurt Remus.

"They were a gift from McGonagall for Yule.  She's trying to add some color to my wardrobe."  I'm thankful that I've had practice at lying.  Very few people can actually see through me when I lie, and Lucius isn't one of them.  I had plenty of practice, lying about my injuries when I was young.  And about my father's death.

Lucius snaps me out of my reverie as his light, scar colored lips touch mine.  The kiss begins light, but deepens as the seconds tick by.  It takes a minute for my mind to catch up to my body, and I pull violently away from Lucius.

"Get the hell away from me, Lucius."  I hiss, the taste of his mouth still on mine.  It takes every fiber of my being not to lick my lips or go back for more.  The memory of Remus holding me in his arms, murmuring pleasant thoughts to me means more than a thousand nights with Lucius.

"Severus…"  Lucius's eyes soften, his face going lax for just a moment.  

"No."  I walk across the room, getting as far away from the object of my lust as I can.  "Just…  Just go.  Please."

Lucius looks as if he's going to argue, but I shake my head.  "Are you sure?"

I nod.  "Yes."

"Fine.  Goobye, Severus.  I hope he treats you well."  He walks over to me and kisses his fingers; he presses them against my lips before turning around and walking to the door.  "I love you, Severus."

I turn my back as the door shuts and I fight the tears that spring to my eyes.

I stand there for five minutes, unmoving.  His scent is still on me, the feel of his velvet fingers against my lips…  I shake my head violently before storming into my bedroom, and through there, my bath.  I shed my clothes, stepping into the shower.  

The water is hot, almost hotter than I can bear.  My skin goes pink as I scrub, trying to get Lucius's scent, his touch, off of me before Remus comes back.  I stand beneath the water for ages, until the water starts to cool, sending goose bumps down my arms and legs.

I step out of the shower and dry myself quickly and run a brush through my still sopping wet hair.  I pull on the black pajama bottoms that Lucius bought me years ago before going back out to the living room and sitting in front of the fire.  I feel as if I'm about to nod off as I hear knocks on my door.

My eyes roll as I pull a heavy blanket from beneath the couch, draping myself in it.  I ignore the knocks and the man calling my name.  I can't deal with Remus right now.  I just can't.

I sigh as he walks in.  

"Where's the little bastard?"

"He's gone." I stand up, keeping the blanket wrapped snuggly against my shoulders.  I feel more tired than I have in ages.  "Left about an hour ago."

"Good riddance to bad rubbish."  I almost smile at the jealous tone in his voice.  Almost.

I snort and pull the blanket tighter around me.  I walk to the fire and put the fire out with my wand before turning back to him.  "I think I'm going to get some sleep."

He walks over to me, wrapping his arms around me, nuzzling my neck.  "Would you like some company?"

"Not tonight, Lupin. I'm tired."  I wince as I call him Lupin, trying to distance myself a bit, to make the guilt and the feelings go away.

"Oh. Alright, then." I pull away from him and walk to my bedroom door, slipping into the room.  I sigh.  

"Lock the doors when you leave, please."

I hear the outer door shut and put my barriers up again before shedding the blanket, letting it fall in a heap on the floor.  I collapse on my bed, pulling the duvett over me.  I curl up under the covers, hugging my pillow to me.  "I'm sorry."

-

Yay!  It's longer.

And I decided to start writing this chapter at two in the morning, and it's now 6:17 a.m.  What I do for my readers.  : )


	14. Outside the Walls

Disclaimer: I own nothing here.  It all belongs to J.K. Rowling and whoever else owns Harry Potter and the characters within its universe.

Next time it takes me so long to get another chapter up will some one kick me, please?  You can even do it over AIM or MSN.  And, Yami, you can do whatever you'd like to Lucius.  I do believe I'm done with him, at least for awhile.  *rubs hands together evilly*  

And thank Pink Floyd for this chapter.  I wrote a good chunk of it listening to 'The Wall.'  *melts into an ooey gooey puddle*

Chapter 14: Outside the Walls

-

_Remus sat at the table, his eyes weary, and his body aching and tired.___

_"Could we possibly do this later, Severus?  I don't feel very well today."  He asked, reaching to put out the fire beneath his cauldron.  It was two days after his most recent transformation into the wolf, and his body still felt it, though he wasn't going to tell the Slytherin that._

_"No."  Severus said, his voice as calm and collected as ever.  He swatted Remus' hand and wand away from the fire.  "Contrary to popular, Gryffindor, belief, I **do have a life, which you're taking time away from.  I'd just like to get this done."**_

_"Fine…  But could we hurry it up a bit?  That way I can go and get some rest and you can go back to your 'life.'"  Remus asked, attempting to keep the sarcasm out of his voice.  Severus was doing him a favor, and he knew it._

_"There is no hurrying in Potions, Lupin.  'Hurrying' will get you a ruined potion, a failing grade, or worse."  Severus's eyes hooded slightly, making him look much older than his sixteen years._

_Remus nods silently, not wanting to tempt Severus's temper.  He was lucky that he had agreed to tutor him in Potions, and didn't want to push that luck.  Remus decided to make small talk, but regretted his sentence the second it came out.  "I, um…  I heard about your father.  I'm sorry."_

_"I'm not.  He was a miserable, abusive bastard who murdered my mother and sister.  He deserved what he got."  Severus said, not looking Remus in the eye.  He added a pinch of shredded ginger root to the boiling mixture in the cauldron.  "Though I do appreciate your sympathies, Lupin.  Thank you."_

_Remus simply nodded, not sure of what to say.  "He **murdered your mother and sister?"**_

_"Yes."  Severus sighed deeply.  "He killed my sister Seraphine…  Though if she heard me call her 'Seraphine', as opposed to 'Sera', she'd have my hide…"  He shook his head violently, as if trying to shake the memories out of his mind.  "He killed her, and then killed my mum."_

_"Why wasn't it in the papers?"_

_"Silas Snape has…had…many powerful friends.  He paid them to keep it quiet."  Severus stirred the potion calmly, in a figure eight motion.  "The obits said they died in an accident.  The only accident involved was that my mother married that man."_

_"Do you have any pictures of them?"  Remus asked.  He's heard stories about Sahriya and Seraphine Snape, and wanted to connect their names to their faces.   He told Severus as such._

_"Yes."  He reached down into his bag, pulling out a ragged old book.  He flipped to the center of it, pulling out a small photograph.  He handed it carefully to Remus.  "Here."_

_The picture was cropped, leaving only the two female Snapes and a very young looking Severus.  Sahriya sat on a chair, her only son sitting on her lap, an old teddy bear clutched in his hands.  Seraphine sat on the floor next to her mother, taking turns playing with three year old Severus and talking to her mother.  Sahriya's face changed from content to worry-filled, her eyes darting over to where the picture was cut._

_It took a moment before Remus realized that Severus had cut his father out of the picture._

_"It's a nice picture."  Remus handed it back to Severus, clearing his throat.  Severus looked at him disdainfully before putting it back in the book.  _

_"Well, looks like the potion is done."  Severus changed the subject, pouring a bit of the potion into a small glass vial.  He sealed the top with wax and handed it to Remus.  "Don't forget to give that to Professor Watson when it cools."_

_Remus nodded as he began to wipe up the table.  They finished cleaning in a heavy, awkward silence._

_"Are you done yet, Rem?  James and Pete are getting kind of antsy, hurry…up."  Sirius burst into the room, his eyes falling on Severus, who stood up straighter, pulling his wand from the back pocket of his pants.  Sirius's nostrils flared as he saw Severus standing so close to 'his' Remus.  "Severus?  Remus what the hell are you doing with this prig?"_

_"Nothing."__  Remus walked over to his best friend, his lips pressed in a tight line.  He turned his head slightly towards Severus.  "Same time next week?"_

_Severus hissed, his eyes still locked on Sirius.  "Fine."_

-

I did as Severus asked and left him be for the night, returning to my own chambers.  It was still quite early, so I decided to read for a bit, taking up a random book from the trunk at the end of my bed.  I groan as I lean back on my bed, the stress gathered at my shoulders and neck.

'Werewolves: Kith and Kin' was a gift from Sirius for my, what was it, twentieth birthday?  Or was it my twenty-first?  

I open up the book to a random page, and swear at the fact that I opened up to the chapter on the mating patterns of werewolves.

I must nod off, because when the rapping at my door starts, I jump a half mile into the air.  I toss the book to the bed as I open the door.  Severus stands there, wringing his hands, his face a tad bit paler than normal.

I gesture for him to enter, and he does, wrapping his long, thin arms around my torso.  He buries his chin in my neck, and I melt at his behavior.  

"What's wrong, Severus?"  I ask him, pushing him away just enough to make it so I can look into his face, into his eyes.  Dread fills me at the look in his eyes.  He's going to leave me.  He's going to leave me for that little bastard.

A bit of silver on his wrist flashes.  "You're going back with him, aren't you?"

His head jerks, and his eyes widen.  A rare smile graces his aquiline features, followed by a harsh, bark-like laugh.  "No.  I'm not."  He runs a hand through my hair, messing it up a bit.  "I'm sorry for how I acted earlier…  It was just...  It was a lot to take in."

"What was a lot to take in?"

"He wanted me to come crawling back to him.  He wanted me to be the ever obedient puppy in Voldemort's court."  Severus pulls the silver bracelet from his wrist, putting it in his pocket.  He takes my hand in his and pulls me towards the door.  "Come on."

We walk outside the school, along the lake, neither of us saying a word.  But it's not the uncomfortable silence that I would normally expect.  It's comfortable, and comforting, like a warm embrace.  

He puts a hand on mine to stop us.  We're quite far from the school, on the other side of the lake.  The water beneath is us a deep, dark black, quite tumultuous for time of year.  We sit down and watch the water churn for a moment before he pulls the bit of silver from his pocket.

"He gave this to me, of course."  Severus says, his voice holding no spite.  "He always did like his pets to look pretty."

"Why are you telling me this?"  I ask, slightly annoyed.  Lucius can give him gifts like that, I can't.  

"Because…"  He takes a moment, as if attempting to properly gather the words in his head.  "Because I want to show you that it's over between him and me."

He holds the bracelet tighter before pulling his arm back and chucking it into the water.  I watch in surprised amazement as I watch it sink to the deepest parts of the lake.  "I love you, Remus."

I pull him into my arms and we fall to the soft grass together, in one heap.  I start laughing, and find myself unable to stop.  Severus gives me a look, but it's not filled with anger or contempt.  It's as if he's found peace for the first time in his life.  He leans over and kisses me, the only thing that can stop my laughing.  (As he's learned in the past…)  I calm down and soften in his arms.  "I love you, too, Severus."  

We lay there for a while, staring up at the stars that are popping out, one by one.  He points to his favorites, as do I.  He points out a large 'w' in the sky, and names it as Cassiopeia.  I nod, and the story behind it tumbles out of my mouth before I can stop it.  He smiles at me and snuggles up to me a little closer.  I think if we were any closer, we'd be one, which really wouldn't be all that bad, I think.

- - -

Yes, it's a bit of a short chapter, but I wanted to stop it before anything juicy happened.  It is a PG-13, remember?  *wink wink*   And again, I apologize for the time between updates.  School's kicking my ass, and I'm barely two weeks in.  What made me think I could take two separate writing classes and survive, I don't know.


	15. Enigmatic

Disclaimer:  I do not own anything in here.  It belongs to the almighty rich people.

Warning:  Mmm…  Slash. 

And this chapter goes out to my English professors, who make me never want to write again.  Heh, if only they knew that I had an over twenty thousand word bit of slash…  'Why yes, ma'am, I've spent ages on a story.  What kind of story you ask?  Oh, it's a fan fiction, of the Harry Potter variety.  Which pairing, you ask?  Well, it's actually two forty year old men.  Why yes, I am *insert age here*.  Ma'am, why are you on the floor?  Ma'am, why are you clawing at your eyes and ears?  Oh.'

Muah ha.  Take Selke, not enough caffeine, a horrible cold/bronchitis, lack of sleep and a play list including Placebo, Johnny Cash, Anti-Flag, Reaching For Kate, and SoaD, and you get some weird stuff.

Okay, I'm down now.  On with the chappie.

-

Chapter 15: Enigmatic

-

_Severus mumbled lightly at the cauldron in front of him, the thick green liquid sputtering quietly over the fire.  He poured in a dash of powdered spiders legs._

_"Spiders… check."  He stirred the mixture for precisely thirty seconds before adding nine drops of essence of toadstool.  "Hmm, toadstool…  Check."_

_"Pst…  Severus, was it ten or eleven chopped up cloves?"  Remus asked, turning around in his chair to face the onyx haired Slytherin._

_"If you add either amount, you'll ruin your potion and probably end up in a matchbox over your parent's fireplace."  Severus smirked (for a Slytherin would surely never give a true smile), pointing down at his notes with a lithe finger.  "It was ten chopped willow bulbs."_

_"Oh."  Lupin smiled shyly._

_"Are you sure that you don't need glasses?"  Severus teased, winking slightly and ignoring the glare coming from the other student at Lupin's table._

_"Ha ha, Severus…  I do **not need glasses."  Remus argued, his eyes twinkling with humor.  Severus gave him a mock glare.  They'd been working together outside of class for several months, and their newly found bond was beginning to show in class.  "I kind of got distracted when Professor Watson was giving us the directions."**_

_"Which pretty girl was it this time?"  Sirius asked Remus, causing the boy to blush slightly.  Sirius smiled, patting the young lycanthrope on the back._

_He turned to Severus, his smile dropping as quickly as it had turned up.  "We've got it from here."_

_"Sure you do…"  Severus turned away from them, talking quietly to his own potions partner.  He handed him a wooden ladle and a glass vial.  "Alright, Dominic, the potion should be just about done.  Hold the vial tightly, and I'll pour it in with the pipette."_

_"Then why'd you give me the spoon, Snape?  Trying to make me look stupid?"  Dominic asked, his voice slightly strained._

_"Oh shove it, Dom.  I gave you the 'spoon', as you called it, to keep your hands full, so you don't fidget while I pour a boiling liquid into a small hole."  Severus explained, pouring out the fluid, a healing potion for serious wounds, into the vial.  "Pouring a scalding hot potion, even if it is a healing bit, would do more than a little damage to your epidermis."_

_"I wouldn't use big words with that oaf, Snape…  I'm surprised he knows the meaning of the word 'go.'"  Sirius turned around in his seat, snickering.  "It's probably due to all of that pure blood inbreeding in Slytherin."_

_"Oh, stuff it, you clod."  Dominic flipped him off under the table, behind the professor's back.  "It's not my fault I can't keep still…  Doesn't mean I'm stupid."_

_"Now what's important is that **you** believe that."  Sirius sneered, turning back to his own potion.  Remus turned to the other boys, an apologetic look on his red tinged face._

_Severus shrugged his thin shoulders, turning back to Dominic, who continued muttering curses and swears beneath his breath._

_"…stupid bloody prat…dumb damned Gryffindors…gonna show him one of these days…"_

_Severus couldn't hold back the low chuckle at the angry red that appeared on the back of Sirius's neck and the angry words from his housemate._

_"What's so funny, you little __nancy__ boy?"  Sirius swung around, his blue eyes flashing in barely contained rage._

_Severus snorted.  "You."_

_Sirius snarled, on his feet and pounding at Severus's midsection before anyone managed to notice the inter-house altercation.  Severus swore as he was knocked to the floor._

_"Get off of my, you little bastard!"  Severus grimaced, knocking Sirius off of him, sending him hard into the floor.  He wiped at his nose with his sleeve, nauseous at the sight of blood on his arm.  He growled, pouncing on the brawnier boy.  "You little twit, what the hell is your soddin' problem?!"_

_"**You're my problem!"  Sirius punched Severus in the chest, shoving him against a table, sending the potion atop it to the ground with a resounding thud.  The hot liquid spilled off of the side of the desk, pouring over Severus.**_

_Severus yowled as it sizzled on his head and shoulders.  Remus bolted over to him, a beat ahead of Professor Watson._

_"Sev!__  Severus, are you okay?!  Fuck, Sirius!"  Remus yelled; both anger and worry clouded his normally calm voice._

_"Five points from Gryffindor for language, Mr. Lupin.  And the same goes for Mr.'s Snape and Dern."  Professor Watson knelt down next to the two boys.  She checked Severus's wounds before turning to Sirius.  "And **you, Mr. Black!  Thirty points off and a detention, for fighting."**_

_"What the-?!"__  Sirius bellowed, running a hand through his hair.  "You've gotta be kiddin' me!  He gets five freakin' points off and I get thirty AND a fucking detention?!"_

_"Make that two, Mr. Black.  Not only did you start the fight, but you've badly hurt Mr. Snape in the process, who's done nothing to you."  Professor Watson turned back to Severus, Remus, and Dominic.  "Mr. Lupin, Mr. Dern, would you please help Severus to the infirmary?"_

_The two boys nodded, helping Severus to his feet.  They walked out of the room, supporting the barely conscious student.  Before they were out of sight, Remus turned back to Sirius, a glare set on his face._

_"Mr. Black, you will report to Mr. Hagrid tonight and myself tomorrow."  Professor Watson glowered at Sirius.  "The next time you pick a fight in my class, or any other, you will be suspended.  Do you understand me?"_

_"Yes, ma'am."__  Sirius nodded, returning to his seat.  He glanced over to the table occupied by James and Peter.  They sat with their hands covering their mouths, their eyes glittering with humor, their shoulders shook with held in laughter._

_He flipped the two off before returning to his potion._

_Sirius returned to the fifth year Gryffindor dormitory, swearing under his breath.  James glanced up at him.  "How was your detention?"_

_"I just spent two and a half hours mucking out the stalls.  I'm tired, sweaty, and I smell, what do you think?"_

_"I think that a revenge prank on Snivelus is in order?"  James eyes glowed with malice and mischief._

_"Hell ya."__  Sirius plopped down onto his bed, turning towards Peter.  "Where's Remmie?"_

_"Dunno.  He wasn't at dinner, and he hasn't come back to the dorms."  Peter looked up from his transfigurations text.  "He's probably down in the hospital wing with Snape."_

_"Why would he stick around with **Snivelus**?"  Sirius hissed, spitting._

_James snorted._

_"What?"_

_Peter giggled.  "They're probably busy shagging."_

_"Oh shut it, you pervert."  Sirius threw a pillow at Peter's face._

_"Heh…  So what about that prank, boys?"  James asked._

_"Hey, isn't tomorrow night a full moon?"  Sirius asked, sitting up suddenly._

_"Yeah…"_

_Sirius cackled.  "I know how we can kill two birds with one stone…  Get back at Snape and get him the hell away from Remus…"_

-

I wake up with Severus lying on my chest, snoring in that delightfully cute way of his.  His eyes flitter behind his lids, reminding me of a dog dreaming, its legs twitching as if chasing an invisible rabbit.

I lean down and kiss him on the top of his head, petting his bed wild hair.  He groans and opens his eyes slightly before hissing and closing them again.

"Turn off the light, Remus…"  He mumbles, curling up to me and pulling the blanket up to his chest.  

"Sorry, sweets, can't…"  I smile down at him as he grumbles.  "That's the sun."

"This is what we get for staying in your room.  I like my nice, cool, dark dungeons."

"You forgot dank."

"Oh, shush."  Severus's sleep filled glare doesn't pack its usual punch.  The stare that sends students into fits just makes me laugh.  "Oh, you try having a good glare when you've been awake for thirty seconds.  It takes at least three cups of black coffee to get the glare up to its full strength."

"Well, then, we should get you some caffeine."  I sit up and pull away from him, my arm asleep from his lying on it.  He rolls over and hides his head beneath a pillow.

"You get caffeine.  I'll sleep."

"You're really not a morning person, are you?"

He pulls the pillow from his face.  "How'd you guess?"

I wink.  "Call me psychic."

Severus groans and sits up.  "I'll be in my rooms.  I need a shower."

"You can take one here, you know…  I won't bite."

It's his turn to wink now.  "That's what I'm afraid of."

He stands up shakily and walks over to the fireplace, taking his wand off of the mantle before walking over to me.  He kisses me lightly before pulling away, squeezing my hand affectionately.  "Want to head into Hogsmead later?  I need to pick up some supplies."

"Why not?"  He laughs hoarsely and apparates to his rooms.

Severus grimaces as we step out of the Apothocary, holding his hand over his eyes, squinting in the sudden bright light.  He turns and waves to the man behind the counter, an ancient looking man that I'm certain is a vampire.

"I've known him for years…  This is the only apothecary that I'll go to."  Severus digs through his bags as we walk, pulling the receipt from a smaller one and placing it in his wallet.  "The prices are slightly higher, but the quality can't be beat."

I lace my fingers with his, my grip light as a feather.  I expect him to pull away from me, but he doesn't.  (He's never been one to show affection for anyone or thing in public…  It just goes against the grain of his nature, like a cat befriending a bird.)  I pull him into a used book shop with a smile, and lead him deep into the towering stacks, searching for one book in particular.

"Remus, what-?"  I stop him before he can finish his sentence.

"Found it."  I take my hand away from his and pull a small, red leather bound book down from the shelf, handing it to him.  "I saw that in here ages ago.  Completely forgot about it.  I only now remembered when you mentioned it the other day."

"Remus…  This is a first edition of Mary Shelley's _Frankenstein_!  I must be dreaming…"  I brush a hand against his cheek, pulling him from his state of reverie.  He thumbs through the book, his eyes glazed over.

"I never would've guessed you as being the horror type, Severus."

"Blame my mum."  He says shortly, not in anger but excitement.  I love seeing him happy.  It's a shame I see it so rarely.  "She read this to my sister and me years ago.  We would sit by the fire…  I was hardly more than seven or eight…  Sera and I would sit with her and sip on hot cocoa…"

"You miss them a lot, don't you?"  I ask, feeling stupid even doing so.  I don't know what I would do, even now, if my mother _or_ sister passed away, not to mention both.

"Of course… I was very close to Sera, even with the age difference.  To lose both her and my mother at the same time…  I'm surprised I coped as well as I did."  He walks over to the register, paying for the book quickly, barely looking the shop's owner in the eye, so in our own world.  He barks a harsh laugh once we leave the shop, a swear leaving his lips.  "Actually, I didn't cope.  I just went and joined up with a mad man.  I don't know if that's coping, as much as being a bitter young man with nothing more than vengeance on his mind."

"I'm sorry that I brought it up, Severus."  I lean over and take his hand in mine again.  I attempt to change the subject, my heart beating oddly fast.  "Would you like to get some lunch?"

"Sure.  As good as the food is at Hogwarts, it does get old after a time…"  He stops and looks contemplative for a moment.  A smile graces his face.  "What would you say to a picnic?"

"I think that a picnic sounds lovely."

___

Blah…  Reviews are good.  Sorry it's so short.  I'll get into the picnic next time.  I even had a nice little outline I wanted to follow…  I just got distracted by the fact that I'm tired and it's around 2000 words.  Yeah, when did a 2000 word chapter get to feel so damned short?  

Oh, who wants to read about the actual Shrieking Shack incident, or should I move on?  I was planning on continuing the flashback, but I think I'll let my loyal readers weigh in on it, or if it's getting old.


	16. Welcome to My Nightmare

Disclaimer:  I obviously don't own the characters represented within, J.K. Rowling does.  Hell, this story is so clichéd it's practically public domain by now.  

Warning:  Slash.  

And this chapter is dedicated to Catmint.  Thank you for all of your encouragement, and for reminding me that there are actually people who read this story.  

-

Chapter 15: Welcome to My Nightmare

-

_"Oi!__  Snape!"_

_Severus turned to the voice; his face lacked his usual scowl, instead he was slightly weary.  He always was when dealing with one of the infamous Marauders, even if the one in question was Peter Pettigrew.  Severus had learned that where there was one Gryffindor, there were generally more lurking around somewhere._

_"What now, Pettigrew?"  Snape's eyes rolled around the hall slowly, checking all of the corners and shadows for hidden pranksters.  "Don't tell me that you're setting me up for one of Potter or Black's stupid 'tricks.'"  Severus smirked.  "That seems to be the only reason that they keep you around, you know…  You're their lap dog."_

_"I'm not just their lackey, Snape."  Peter's face grew slightly red; Severus couldn't decide if it was in anger, embarrassment, or a sudden realization of the truth.  He found it amusing either way._

_"Yes, of course…  Never."  Severus crossed his arms in front of his chest.  "Now, is there a **reason that you stopped me?"**_

_"Here."  Peter handed the black haired boy a tightly folded note._

_"What the hell is this?  A love note?"  Severus asked, making the blond boy blush furiously._

_Peter stammered for a minute before getting his words out.  "N-no.  I-it's from Remus."_

_Severus mumbled, putting the note into his pants pocket.  "Did you read it?"_

_"Now, why would I do that?"_

_Severus returned Peter's smug smile with an arrogant smirk.  "Why, I don't know…  Maybe because you're nothing more than a rat who likes to walk where wolves tread?"_

_"Fuck you, Snape."_

_Severus chuckled lowly, turning around and walking in the opposite direction of Pettigrew.  "See you in class."_

_Peter watched Snape round the corner and smirked, his eyes glittering.  "Oh, I'm sure I'll see you before then, Snivellus…  It's a full moon tonight."_

_Severus walked slowly down to the Slytherin dormitories, his hand twisting the note in his pocket._

_"Why on Earth would Lupin send me a note?  And through Pettigrew of all people?"  Severus wondered to himself, stopping outside of the portrait leading to the Slytherin common room.  "Serpentsortia."_

_Severus entered the large room on deft feet, ignoring the several younger students around the fire and fell into an over stuffed green chair.  He took the note from his pocket and stared at it, his eyes adjusting to the lower lighting._

_"Severus, what's this?"  A smooth voice asked from behind him, warm breath tickling at the back of his neck.  "A note?  A love note?"_

_"Lucius."__  Severus merely stated the name of the white haired boy, his voice slightly shaking in surprise.  "N-no.  It's just a note.  A normal kind of note."_

_"Oh?  A normal kind of note?  And who is this_ normal _kind of note from, Severus?"  Lucius snaked a hand through Severus's hair, pulling his head back as he walked in front of him._

_"Nobody."___

_"Nobody?"__  Lucius smiled, his icy eyes shining.  "Well, well, well.  That's quite a feat.  To get a note from nobody.  Are you sure it's not some kind of a love letter_?"__

_"It's nothing, Luc, I swear.  It's just from my Potions partner."  Severus stammered, his cool demeanor gone.  "I haven't even read it yet."_

_"Then you wouldn't mind if I read it first."  Lucius's hand left the dark hair and snatched the note from Severus's hands._

_Severus stood up, his hair swinging in front of his face.  "Yes, actually, I would."_

_"Excuse me?  I do believe you're forgetting yourself, Snape."_

_"Oh, sod off, Luc…  It's just a note.  Give it back to me.  Now."  Severus wrenched the note from Lucius's hands.  'I'm gonna pay for this later.  This note had better be worth it.'_

_Severus turned from his lover and walked calmly up the stairs to his dormitory, his hands shaking slightly.  He pulled his wand from his pocket as he entered his room, relieved to find that it was empty.  He sat down on his bed before finally opening the note._

_'Severus,_

_I have something important to tell you, but I don't want Sirius to know.  I was wondering if you would meet me outside tonight, around ten?  There's a passageway from the Whomping Willow, to the Shrieking Shack.  I figured after we talked we could go into Hogsmead for a butter beer._

_            To get into the passage, you've got to take a long stick and push in a large knot in the base of the tree.  It'll stop the tree long enough that you'll see the entrance._

_            See you tonight, hopefully._

_            Yours,_

_            Remus_

_Severus sighed as he read the note, folding it up neatly and setting it on the bed beside him.  _

_'He has to tell me something?  What's so important that he has to take me off campus to do so?'  Severus fell back onto his bed, resting his head on the green sheathed feather pillow._

_'This had better be really **fucking important**.  Lucius is going to kill me.'_

_Severus held his wand out in front of him carefully, the low light from it's tip the only thing showing his way in the dark tunnel.  He grumbled inwardly.  'Leave it to me to not bring a torch.'_

_He saw a small light in the distance ahead of him and he smiled, happy to be almost out of the dark.  He called out to the light.  "Remus?"_

_A small noise rang from the lit end of the tunnel, so low that it didn't even register in Severus's mind the first time.  The second time the noise sounded, it was much louder.  It was a low pitched growl that made the skin on the back of his neck prickle with gooseflesh.  "Hello?  Remus?  Are you there?"_

_Against his will, fear began crawling up the back of Severus's spine, cold fingers clawing at his mind.  "Don't be foolish, Severus.  It's just your imagination._

_"It's just your imagination…  Just your imagination…"  Severus repeated to himself, a mantra.  He stopped walking as he reached a dark door that blocked the path.  "Remus?  Are you in there?"_

_Severus opened the door slowly, his hands shaking.  The only thing that Severus was aware of before he collapsed to the ground was the voice of James Potter screaming his name from behind him and a loud growl as a pair of fierce claws slashed at his midsection._

-

"Severus?"  His name rings in my ears as I say it.  I run a hand up his side to wake him from his light doze.  "You can't tell me that the grass is _that comfortable."_

I laugh as he grumbles, sitting up.  He doesn't make it far, lying back down on the red checkered blanket, resting his head on my lap.  I brush his hair out of his face tenderly.  I love his hair.  It's like beautiful black lace when it's wet, draped across his face.

He sighs before he speaks, his breath tickling my arm.  I laugh and move to swat at his shoulder, but his face turns serious, his dark eyes gazing into my amber hued ones.  "We need to talk, Remus."

He sits up this time, getting to his feet.  He pulls me up along with him, the worry lines in his face mirroring those on my own.  "But not here."

I nod, and we pack up the leftovers and blanket into our picnic basket.  We apparate to the gates of Hogwarts, only separating our hands from each other's when we enter the school.  We walk down to the dungeons in silence.  It's not the kind of silence that I like, though.  It's a heavy silence, full of words that haven't been said, but must be spoken.

He locks his doors, putting up several wards when we enter his chambers.  I pour out several fingers of brandy into a glass.  I ask him if he'd like a glass of liquor as well, and he nods solemnly.  We sit on the couch in silence for several more moments than I would have liked, sipping on our brandy.

"I'm leaving, Remus."

"_What?_"  I ask, turning towards him so fast that my brandy sloshes from its container and spills over onto my hands and trousers.  I try to keep the desperation, the worry, the sadness, out of my voice, but fail miserably.  "Why are you leaving?  Where are you going?"

"I have to go on a mission, for Dumbledore."  Severus sighs, throwing back the rest of his brandy before standing up and draining the rest of the golden brown liquid from the decanter.  "Voldemort's going to western Russia, to try to gain more supporters for his cause.  Voldemort wants me to go as well, both because of my heritage and the fact that I'm more fluent in Russian than any of the other Death Eaters.

"Albus wants me there, so I can keep track of who joins up and who doesn't.  It really isn't that bad.  I've gone on much more dangerous missions than this and lived to tell of it."

I shake my head, taking his hand in mine.  "How long are you going to be gone?"

"Three months."

"Alright.  Three months.  We can handle that."  I manage to keep the nervous tremor out of my voice and nuzzle at his neck lightly, trying to keep both of our minds off of Severus's mission.  I find myself slightly hurt when he remains impassive beneath my hands.  "When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?!"

"Yes.  I was just told of it before we left this morning…  He was here when I returned from your rooms.  Lucius is meeting me here tomorrow morning."

"You're going with _him_?"

"I've got no choice, Remus."  He hisses, standing up.  He goes over to the liquor cabinet and picks up the empty bottle of brandy, grunting angrily when he remembers that he emptied it moments earlier.  "Do you think that I _want to spend three months with that bastard?  It's Lucius, Voldemort and I traveling Russia, recruiting young wizards and witches and magical creatures.  This isn't exactly a holiday for me.  It's for the Order, Remus.  I've got no choice in the matter.  If I don't go, I let down Albus and anger Voldemort in one fell swoop.  What good would I be to the Order if Riddle suspects anything, anything at all?  It is considered an __honor to be chosen to go along with Voldemort.  If I don't go, he'd be insulted.  The bastard would probably have me killed."_

We sit in silence for a moment.  I speak up quietly, abandoning my drink and standing up.  I walk over to him and place my arms around his waist.  "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"I wanted us to have one last, good day, in case something…  In case something goes wrong, Remus."

"What could go wrong?"  I look at him questioningly.  He closes his eyes, brushing a hand against my cheek and kissing my lightly.

"Everything."  He rests his head on my shoulder.  "Lucius could find out about us, and tell Riddle.  That could make Voldemort suspect that I'm no longer one of his most loyal followers.  It wouldn't look good for a Death Eater of a high rank to be shagging a former Marauding werewolf.

"Not to mention that Lucius would have me killed at dawn, skinned, and turned in to a pair of gloves if_ he found out."_

We stand silently and hold each other, neither of us daring to speak.  We look at each other and walk into the bedroom, crawling up onto the bed.  

"Will you be able to contact me?"  I ask him, curling up against his side.

"I don't know."  I don't know if I'm encouraged or discouraged by his honesty.  It would be nice to have the smallest grain of hope lingering in the back of my brain, but I'd just be lying to myself, and him to me, I guess.  "I'll try like hell to.  You know that.

"I love you, Remus."  He lifts my chin up to face him and he kisses me, wrapping his arms around me.  He rubs my back comfortingly.  "Nothing will change that.  Not distance, not Voldemort, and certainly not Lucius."

We fall asleep like that, wrapped against each other like human blankets.  I whisper to his sleeping form, tightening my embrace.  "I know.  I love you, too, Severus."

I wake up the next morning, finding the bed empty and most of Severus's drawers bare.  His suitcases are gone, but I can hear him in the next room.  I peek out in the space between the door and the wall.  He and Lucius Malfoy are talking in low tones, only letting me pick up every other word of their conversation.

"…ready…go, Severus?"

"Yes…have to…bedroom.  Give…moment…  I'll…back…"  I hear Severus speak and rush away from the door.  I stand silently near the corner of the room waiting for Severus to latch the door behind him.  He nods at me, the silence in the room heavy as he walks over to me, embracing me.  We kiss quickly before he leans in towards my ear, whispering.  "I love you, Remus.  I'll see you soon."

I kiss him on the cheek.  "Be careful, Sev."

"I will."  He pulls away from me, walking over to the closet and pulling out his winter cloak before blowing a kiss at me.  I smile sadly as he walks towards the door.  "Goodbye."

I walk over to the door and peek out again, catching only a blur of silver hair exit the room and Severus turning back to the bedroom, his eyes filled with emotion.  He nods to me, a small smile on his face.  

I feel as the wards on his chambers are put back up and grimace.

He's gone.  And I've got a horrible feeling deep in the pit of my gut that tells me he's not coming back.

- - -

A/N:  I apologize for the length of time between chapters.  Life's just kind of caught up with me lately and I forgot about this story and almost everything else.  I promise to try to keep up with this story while I'm on my winter break.

Happy Holidays. : )


	17. Fell In Love With A Boy

Disclaimer:  All characters represented here-in do not belong to me.  They're JKR's.

Warning:  Slash.

-

Chapter 17: Fell In Love With A Boy

-

_Severus woke with a start, a scream escaping his lips as he sat up straight in a blind panic.  He hissed at the pain on his stomach and looked down to see blood seeping through bandages on his stomach._

_"Mr. Snape!  Calm down and lay back down, this instant."  The voice of Madame Pomfrey called out, rushing over to him.  Severus did as she asked, his eyes darting about the room, an edge of fear to his features.  She examined his torso, clucking her tongue.  "It seems as if you've torn open your stitches."_

_"There was a werewolf.  In the tunnel.  A werewolf in the tunnel.  Where's the wolf?"  Severus asked in a rush, his voice quiet, his eyes still flittering around the room.  "How did I get out?  Potter?  He should have killed me…"_

_"Who should have killed you?  Mr. Potter?"_

_"The werewolf.__  He should've killed Potter, too."  Memories flashed through Severus's head, rushing about as if in traffic.  "Remus gave me a note, to meet him down there.  Why would he want me killed?  How did he know that there was going to be a werewolf down there?"_

_"Mr. Black sent you down to meet a fully developed werewolf?"  Madame Pomfrey lifted her eyebrow.  Severus couldn't tell whether she believed him or not.  "Why would he do that?"_

_"The bastard has it in for me!"_

_"Language, Mr. Snape."  Pomfrey finished examining Severus.  "Headmaster Dumbledore will be down in a moment to have a talk with you…"_

_"**I'm** the one getting the talk?  I'm the one who was almost killed!"_

_"Oh, shut it, Snape, you little drama queen."  James entered the room, Sirius in tow.  "You were not almost killed…  We knew what we were doing."_

_Severus just sat in silence, glaring at the duo for several minutes before Dumbledore appeared.  _

_"Mr. Snape, it appears that we have a bit of a situation on our hands…"  Dumbledore summoned a chair and sat down next to Severus's bed.  He held out a small bag of lemon drops, offering Severus one.  The boy simply glared at the man until he began speaking again.  "You've discovered a closely guarded secret.  The werewolf in the tunnel was one of your fellow students."_

_"You let that **beast** into a school full of children?!"  Snape snarled, sitting up quickly, ignoring the tearing pain from his abdomen.  "What kind of a bloody school are you running here?!"_

_"I couldn't very well deny Mr. Lupin an education, now could I?"_

_Severus felt his head swimming as he fell back onto his pillow, a heavy feeling in his chest.  "That…was Remus?"_

_"Yes."  Dumbledore took up one of his lemon drops, popping it into his mouth.  The glimmer in his eyes was slightly dimmer than normal.  "This must be kept a secret.  If it is found out that Hogwarts is 'harboring' a werewolf, parents would pull their children from the school, or the school may even be shut down by the Ministry.  They could have Mr. Lupin branded for life, or even killed.  Is that what you'd want?"_

_"Bloody right, that's what the little bastard wants…"  Sirius muttered under his breath, standing against the wall by James.  Dumbledore turned to the two boys, rare anger showing on his face.  The boys stood taller, their faces slightly scrunched up in fear.  "That will be enough out of you._

_"Mr. Potter, you will serve detention with Hagrid for the next two weeks.  Report to him after dinner starting tomorrow night…  And Mr. Black…  You will be serving detention with Mr. Filch for the next month."  Sirius had the gall to look indignant before a look from Dumbledore put him in his place.  Dumbledore turned back to Severus.  "Mr. Snape, you will be serving one week of detention with Professor McGonagall."_

_"What?!__  I was the one nearly killed."_

_"You also were out past curfew, exploring around in places that you shouldn't have been lurking."_

_Severus huffed, turning away from Dumbledore as he spoke.  "Mr.'s Black and Potter, you can return to your dormitories.  It's quite late; I believe you should get some sleep while you can."  He turned to Snape as the two boys exited the room.  "You, too, Mr. Snape…  You do not have to report to class tomorrow, but if Madame Pomfrey believes you're healthy enough, you may start your detentions."_

_Dumbledore stood up, sending his chair back to wherever he had summoned it from.  He turned back to Severus.  "I expect that you will keep this incident to yourself?"_

_"And what am I supposed to tell people?"  Severus sneered, gesturing to the blood seeping through his bandages._

_"If you are asked, you went for a walk and stumbled upon the __Forbidden__Forest__."_

_"And you expect people to believe that?"_

_"You will make them believe it, Mr. Snape.  Mr. Lupin has struggled to keep his secret in this school, and you will **not** ruin him, do you understand me?"  Dumbledore's eyes flashed in anger._

_"Yes, sir."___

- - -

It's hard to believe that Severus has only been gone for three days.  It seems like so much longer.  I've dallied about his rooms, playing chess and checkers against myself, and enough games of solitaire that I ended up getting frustrated and throwing the bloody cards in the fire.

I go to Dumbledore at least twice a day, to see if he's heard from Severus.

He hasn't.  

After a while, I need to get out of Hogwarts, and decide to take Harry out to lunch.  I haven't seen the boy in what seems like ages.  And what with Sirius's death and his being stuck back at Privet Drive, I'm sure he hasn't been happy lately.

That's why I'm surprised when I arrive at his door and he opens it, smiling.  

"Hello, Remus.  How've you been?"

I peek into the house before answering.  "I…Alright.  Where are your aunt and uncle?  And Dudley?"

"Uncle Vernon is at work and Aunt Petunia is off visiting some friend or other.  Dudley's off with his little 'gang.'"  Harry laughs slightly as he says the word 'gang.'  It's good to see that he can still laugh after everything that's happened.

"So, up for some lunch?  Anything good around here?"

Harry shrugs.  "I wouldn't know.  Vernon and Petunia have never taken me out to eat before.  They'd usually drop me with Mrs. Figg for a few hours while they let Dudley stuff his face with sweets and bacon."

I can't help but chuckle at the visual.  We take off walking down the street, in silence at first.

"I heard an interesting rumor the other day."  Harry says, as we're nearly a block away from his house.

"Oh?"  I stop walking and turn to him.  Curiosity burns in his eyes.

"Yeah…  What's going on between you and Snape?"

I nearly choke on my own spit.  "What do you mean?"

Harry laughs.  "I mean…  I know you're with him.  I just want to hear you admit it."

"How…?  What do you…?"

"You learn a lot when you're best friends with a Weasley."  Harry chuckles.  "Especially when their brother's have spy devices…  Ron overheard you two talking at an Order meeting, and wrote to me.  He says you two were talking nice…"

"Well, you get to know people when you work closely with them…  That doesn't automatically mean that you're shagging them."

"Meaning it's none of my business?"  Harry starts walking again, quicker this time.  It takes a moment for me to catch up to him.

"Meaning I don't _know_ what's going on between us…  I know that I care about him.  And that he cares about me.  But it's not safe for it to be public knowledge…  Not with Lucius still prowling around Severus."  I feel a snarl rising up in my throat as I spit out Lucius' name.  Harry gives me a look that tells me that I said too much.

"Snape and Malfoy?!"  Harry's voice squeaks slightly at that, and his eyes bug out.

"Don't tell anyone."  I say quickly.  "Severus would skin me alive and rub me with rock salt if he knew that I said anything."

"I won't say anything, don't worry.  It's just an interesting visual."  Harry shoves his hands in the pockets of his jeans.  "Very light and dark, yin and yang.  Very 'Star Wars.'"

"What's 'Star Wars'?"  I ask in genuine confusion.

"Sorry, I forgot…  It's an old movie.  'Use the force' and all that.  I'll have to make you watch it sometime."  Harry laughs.  "I snuck downstairs during one of Dudley's 'slumber parties' when I was younger and watched from behind the couch…"

We finally reach a suitable restaurant and sit down, and glance at the menus.  Harry looks at the prices, a little worried.  "Don't worry…  I've got a bit to spare."

"Alright."  We order our food before speaking again.  "So…When did this thing with Snape start?"

"Awhile ago…  Not too long after Sirius…"  I take a deep breath, seeing the pain flash across Harry's face.  "It's been a while…  About a month and a half, two."

"Does he make you happy?"

I think for a moment before answering.  "Yeah.  He does."

"Good.  If he hurts you, I'll force feed him rattlesnakes, just to let you know."  

I chuckle before looking up at Harry's face.  There's no humor there.

"Thank you, Harry."

A/N: I apologize for the wait.  No real excuses this time…  But I stayed up late to finish this chapter, and I have to be up in less than five hours.  So I'm just going to go to bed now.  : )  

I apologize for any errors.  I'm tired and just want to get this posted.


	18. English Summer Rain

Disclaimer:  I own none of the following characters.  They're the property of Ms. Rowling, Warner Bros., etc. 

Warning: Slash ahead.

-

Chapter 18: English Summer Rain

-

_Severus Snape sat behind his desk, his hands scribbling across a parchment at a furious pace, finalizing his first test of the year, for his third year potions' class.  He'd at the last minute decided against having the students both prepare a potion and take a written exam, remembering who was in the class.  He thought to himself, with no small amount of scorn:  'All I need is for Longbottom to screw this up…  He can't get help from Granger on this, and I don't feel like cleaning up his ruddy mess.'  _

_He'd been so lost in thought that he nearly jumped at the knock on his half-opened classroom door.  He looked up, a sneer on his face as soon as he saw who dared intrude on his space.  "Lupin."_

_"Severus."  Remus smiled amiably, running a hand through his silver tainted hair.  He walked into the room and up to Snape's desk, standing in front of it.  Snape smiled to himself (with no small amount of malice) as he watched the werewolf almost nervously glance about the room._

_"As much as I enjoy your wonderful presence, I have work to do.  What do you want?"  Severus carefully put the cap back on his inkwell, and set his quill down beside it._

_"I just came to collect my potion."  Remus said, his smile waning.  Snape's scorn still hurt him, more than he'd care to admit._

_"Ah, yes.  We wouldn't want a vicious dog roaming about the school, now would we?  We've had enough of bthat/b particular brand of fun to last us a lifetime, hm?"  Snape stood, not looking at Remus as he walked over to the storage cabinet, returning with a chalice of thick, steaming liquid.  "I recommend drinking that promptly.  It tends to…" Snape smiled wickedly. "Not sit well.  It congeals, very much in the fashion of blood."_

_Remus paled slightly at the comparison of the Wolfsbane potion and blood.  He didn't remember much about that night in the tunnels, but what he did remember still woke him up from a dead sleep, nightmares battering at his skull.  He remembered waking up after returning to his human form the next day, vomiting at the sight of Severus's blood beneath his fingernails.  _

_"Thank you, Severus."  He lifted the chalice to his lips, stopping when Severus began to speak._

_"I'd appreciate if you took that to your quarters, the staff room…  Somewhere that isn't **here**.  I've work to do.  Just bring the chalice back when you have a chance."_

_"Of course."__  With that, Remus walked out of the door, unconsciously letting it slam behind him as he left._

_- - _

_Severus stood in front of the entrance to his quarters, his hands tightly clenched at his sides.  A bead of sweat found it's way down from his scalp, slowly dripping down his forehead, to the sharp angles of his cheek bones._

_"Severus, do you intend to simply stand here all evening, or are you going to enter your chambers?"  Albus Dumbledore asked, his voice light, despite recent developments.  It had been only two hours ago that Sirius Black had escaped prosecution.  It had been only two hours since he had been promised the Order of Merlin, only to have it ripped away from him.  It had been only two hours since Remus Lupin had utterly betrayed him, both in word and conscience.  _

_"Actually, I'm rather admiring this particular brick.  Its shape is slightly different than the others…  It's a darker color as well.  It was overlooked in the building of the school, and hidden down her in the dungeons, where the lack of color will darken it more."  Severus ran a pale finger across the ancient stone and mortar of the wall.  "What do you want, Albus?"_

_"I simply wanted to make sure that you were alright, my boy.  You've suffered a blow today."  Albus placed a hand on the darker man's shoulder, squeezing it gently._

_"Indeed.  One that I do not wish to discuss.  One that will not be forgotten."  Severus's voice took on a far too familiar tone:  it was quiet and empty, the timber colder than normal.  _

_"Severus…"_

_"No.  I went into that place again, attempting to help save those blasted children from a convicted murderer.  I'm rewarded with a concussion and a reward that was taken away just as soon as it could be given."  Severus ran a hand along the bump at the base of his skull, careful to not wince at the pain the action brought him.  "I know you had something to do with it, helping Black get away…  And I would prefer to not discuss my 'feelings' with you regarding the subject, for I fear that I may lose my temper and my job in one fell swoop."_

_And with that, Snape pressed a hand against a particular stone, opening up to his inner quarters.  Once inside the threshold, he looked at the elder man.  He spoke in a voice so low, it was nearly a whisper.  "You always claimed to have a soft spot for the underdogs, Albus.  You always come across as the man who helps those who need it.  But they don't see the truth.  You help the underdogs, as long as they're noble Gryffindors...  If I had been in either Black or Lupin's place, you would have seen me placed in Azkaban._

_"So, please.__  Do me a favor and don't try to give me your misplaced pity.  It is not my fault that I'm in this position…  It's yours."  Severus leaned a hand against the wall, triggering the door to close.  Before the door clicked shut, he spoke.  "So if you want pity, look elsewhere.  You'll never get it from me._

_"May Hades take you, Albus."_

- - -

Severus has been gone for three weeks now…  I can't seem to get used to the extreme quiet of his chambers.  I find myself pacing across rooms, flooing between his rooms and Grimmauld Place for meetings of the Order.  Harry and his friends have been sitting in at more and more of the meetings.  It's a bizarre thought…  These children…  No, not children.  They're almost adults now.  These _young adults_ are the ones carrying so much of the burden of the world.  Harry's just celebrated his sixteenth birthday, and yet damned near the entire wizarding world expects him to play the hero, to vanquish Voldemort.  It's a cruel assumption…  It's a shame that it's true.

With a sigh, I leave Grimmauld Place, apparating into Hogsmeade.  I'd decided a week ago to pick up a present for Severus, a 'welcome home' gift.  The man is nearly impossibly to shop for, so I settle on a packet of nice teas and a fresh journal.  The man goes through them so often; I don't know how he manages to keep up with it. 

I'm starting to think that he'll never come back.  I know that I shouldn't be as paranoid as I am, but Severus has come to mean a lot to me in the past several months.  More than I think that either of us are comfortable enough with each other to admit.  I miss him so much that my heart aches.

I set out, walking back up towards Hogwarts from the small shop.  I shrink the packages with my wand and tuck them neatly in a pocket.  I'm grateful that I thought to do that the second that the first drop of rain his my face.  I'm a wizard, and a decently powerful one at that.  But the rain feels too good to even bother with a charm to keep my dry.

It's a warm rain, that starts out slowly, a few drops here and there.  But it quickly turns into a downpour, plastering my hair to my head.  I can't help but let a small smile creep onto my face as I walk back up to the school, taking a lesser used trail in the woods.  The sound of the rain hitting the canopy of the forest is one that I've always loved.  It maybe a product of my lycanthropy, or just something natural.  But I've always found it calming.

The rain sets me in such a calm, content daze, that I didn't hear the footsteps behind me until it was too late to dodge.  With my hand reaching for my wand, I fell forward into the mud, another form coming down with me into the mud.  Just as I'm about to utter a protection spell, I realize who is sitting on top of me.  I brush the rain out of my eyes with my sleeve, attempting to clear my vision.

"Severus?"

The man nodded, leaning down to kiss me lightly on the lips.  "Severus!" 

I take him into my arms, pulling him further down into the muck.  I press my lips against his, trying to convey exactly how much I missed him, how much I needed him, into one single kiss.  He finally breaks from me when the need for breath overtakes our need to kiss.  I pet his hair as he nuzzles his head against my neck.  "Are you really back?  Are you back for good?  Am I dreaming?"

"Yes, Remus.  I'm back."  Severus kisses my neck lightly.

"I missed you."  I utter, wrapping my arms around him, kissing his cheek.

"I missed you, too."  I was so wrapped up in his voice that it took me a moment to notice the bruises along his neck and collarbone, and the deep gash on his forehead.

TBC…  I promise.  :)

A/N:  I'm sorry it's been so long between chapters.  I kind of forgot this existed.  But I couldn't sleep and, at five in the morning, decided to start this chapter.  Forgive me?


	19. Prophecy

Disclaimer: All characters within belong to J.K. Rowling and everyone else who claims possession of the 'Harry Potter' franchise. Well, except for Silas, Sahriya, and Seraphine. But nobody would care for them anyway.

Warning: This is the 19th chapter. There's obviously slash, so why do I bother with this?

Chapter 19: Prophecy

_"Oh, Sevvie, I'm so proud of you. I can't believe that you're already starting school…" Sahriya Snape hugged her youngest child and only son, a large smile on her face. She kissed Severus's forehead._

_"Oh, quit it, Sahriya. You're spoiling the boy." Silas Snape said, his arms folded across his chest._

_"Are you sure that we can't bring them to the train platform, Silas?" Sahriya asked, her voice hopeful. _

_"I'm sure…" Silas sneered down at his wife. "He can make the trip with Seraphine… She's done it enough times to know what to do."_

_Seraphine__ entered the room, her Hogwarts robes already on and her school trunk floating next to her. A shiny pin was stuck to her robes, reading 'Head Girl.' She glanced first at her mother, then her father, and finally at her younger brother. She walked over to him, kneeling beside her mother's chair._

_"Are you all packed up, Sev?" She asked, ruffling his hair affectionately. She grimaced when, with a huff, Silas stalked out of the room. She glared after his retreating form, before turning back to Severus._

_"Yes. I've got all of my books and robes packed in my trunk. It's down in the foyer." He smiled, gripping his mother's hand. "I wish you were coming with."_

_"I do, too, Sevvie. But you know you're father…" Sahriya's eyes misted with tears as she stood, taking Seraphine's hand in her own free hand. "But it will all be fine. As your father said, Sera's made the trip many times… She'll help you around at Hogwarts until you get your bearings. Right, Sera?"_

_"Of course, Mum." _

_The trio walked out of the room and down a set of massive stairs, before reaching the foyer. Seraphine set a charm on Severus's trunk, making it float lazily next to her own._

_"I'll miss you two. My babies." Sahriya wiped an errant tear from her cheek. "Now, behave. And you'd best write home often."_

_Sera laughed, hugging her mother tightly. "We will, mother."_

_Sahriya__ knelt down, embracing her son, tears reaching his own eyes. "Goodbye, Mummy."_

_"Goodbye, baby.__ I'll see you at Christmas."_

_Seraphine__ took Severus's hand and walked out the door, looking back at her mother, worry marks on her face. "I love you."_

_"I love you, too." Sahriya whispered, closing the door behind her two children. She turned around, knowing instinctively that Silas was standing there._

_"Hmph.__ Good riddance to bad rubbish."_

"Severus… What happened to you?" I can't help the quiver in my voice as I reach up, running a hand lightly along the bruises on his neck. My fingers ghost over the gash on his forehead, never quite touching it. Rain water drips down from his hair, onto my face.

His eyes close for a moment, all happiness draining from his face. I felt my heart drop to my toes.

"Severus?" I ask again, sitting up as Severus gets to his feet. He begins pacing back and forth in front of me, not speaking. I stand up, planting myself in front of him as he turns. He stops pacing, his eyes tired.

"I… I don't really want to talk about it." He takes my hand in his, bringing it to his lips. He kisses my palm lightly, his eyes half closed.

"Sev-?" I begin to argue with him, but he interrupts me.

"Why don't we go back to Hogwarts, to my chambers? We… We can talk there. I don't want to talk here… You never know who's listening."

"Alright."

We start walking, my hand held lightly in Severus's. I'm tempted to charm us closer to the school, to protect us from the rain, but the feel of his hand on mine, the rain dropping onto us, is a feeling that I wouldn't trade for the world.

By the time we reach the school, we're both dripping wet with rain water. I can almost hear Filch screaming about water on his nice clean floors, but I don't say anything aloud. The look on Severus's face tells me that he's not in a reminiscing mood.

We enter Severus's chambers and speak for the first time since we left the woods.

"We should get out of these clothes… We'll catch our deaths down here." His voice is so quiet, so low… I hate hearing his voice like this. He only speaks like this when there's something wrong.

I shake my head and reach for my wand to dry us, but he shakes his head, sending droplets of water everywhere.

"No, Remus. Don't bother, it's alright. I need to take a nice hot shower anyway…" He looks up at me, his eyes sparkling lightly. He turns his back to me, walking to the bathroom. He stops in the doorframe. "Would you like to join me?"

I'm caught between arguing with him, making him talk, and following him, forgetting everything except how much I've missed his flesh under my fingers. He seems to sense that I'm torn, and comes back over to me. He places his hands on either side of my face, lifting my head so that my eyes meet his.

"We _will_ talk, Remus. I promise you that. But for now, can we just forget everything?" He kisses me lightly, a chaste kiss, full of promise.

"I…"

"Please?" He closes his eyes and leans against me, his voice almost pleading. I know how much this must cost him, showing this weakness, even to me. I can't help but give in.

"Alright." I put my arms around him and hug him tightly. I kiss his neck. "But we will talk."

"Yes." He nods, his hair shaking up and down as his head bobs.

I smile slightly, separating our bodies but taking his hand. I lead him to the bathroom, relishing the smile that comes to Severus's face.

We lay on the bed, our limbs entwined, with his head resting on my shoulder. I run a hand through his hair. We've been laying here for two hours, each of us waiting for the other to speak. Finally, I can't stand the silence.

"What happened?"

Severus breathes a heavy sigh, sitting up slowly. He brings his knees to his chest, careful to keep the blankets over his body. He shivers slightly before speaking.

"Things with Lucius and the Dark… With Voldemort… Didn't go quite as planned. We're back much earlier than we were supposed to be… As it turned out, Voldemort hadn't planned on going, and sent another of his followers with us, a man named Nesbitt Mass. I'd never actually met the man… As you know, we wear masks during Death Eater gatherings for a reason. If someone is a turn coat, or there is a raid, it is harder for someone to identify everybody by name.

"But I digress… We were in Russia within several hours of my leaving here, with the help of a portkey. We set up shot in a ridiculously lavish hotel, at the insistence of Lucius.

"Neither Lucius or I were familiar with Mass, so we chose one large suite as opposed to three rooms. Malfoy thought it better to keep him close, in case this was one of Voldemort's 'tests.'" Severus takes a deep breath, snorting as he closes the sentence. He reaches over to the bedside table, picking up a glass of water. He takes a long drink of it before continuing.

"Nesbitt Mass was a constant thorn in our sides… Two nights ago, we met with a pack of vampires in Moscow, which Mass managed to screw up. Which is where this," He points to a long, nasty cut on this shoulder. "Came from. Mass managed to insult the vampires, and they took their anger out on me."

"Where was Malfoy?" I ask, smoothing Severus's hair away from his face.

"He had a different meeting at the time, so I went to the meeting with Mass."

"A different meeting?" I can't help but ask. A meeting revolving around Lucius Malfoy can never be a good thing.

"It had something to do with his business associates." Severus waves a hand in front of himself, dismissing the subject. "Anyway, after Mass managed to destroy the meeting with the vampire pack, we went back to the hotel. Lucius was still out when we got there. We had some dinner before Luc got back, and he decided that he wanted more than I was willing to give."

I take my hand from Severus, my hands balling into fists. "Did he…?"

"He tried. I fought him off. Thus the bruises and cuts. Lucius came in to find Mass with his hands around my throat, trying to kiss me." He coughs softly, a malicious glint in his eyes. "Let's just say that Mass kept his hands to himself after that. Of course, it was much easier to do so with his right hand in a glass jar."

"Malfoy cut off his hand?!" I can't help but gasp. The man's a right bastard, but I never thought him capable of that.

Severus smiles. "It can be reattached. It's more of charm than a hex. His hand is in the jar, but it's fine… The blood is still magically flowing in it. It's like a Muggle magic trick."

I nod. "I see." I'm still not entirely comfortable with the concept. "Why are you back so early? Not that I'm angry about that fact, mind you." I kiss his cheek.

"Voldemort was frustrated at our failings with the vampires and called us back." Severus shrugs. "We paid for it through a few good curses and hexes, but nothing he's never done before. I'm just happy to be back. I missed you."

"I missed you, too. I love you, Severus. I was downright miserable while you were gone."

"As was I, Lupin."

"Severus… Could I ask you a question?" I fumble over my words, blushing slightly.

"Of course." He gives me a small, shy smile.

"Will you marry me?"


	20. The End is the Beginning is the End

Disclaimer: All characters within belong to J.K. Rowling and everyone else who claims possession of the 'Harry Potter' franchise.

Warning: Ahoy, slash ahead.

--

Chapter 20: The End is the Beginning is the End

--

"_Sera, tell me again about what Hogwarts is like." Severus asked, his eyes shimmering, a rambunctious curiosity hidden behind black eyes._

"_Well, Severus. It's large. It's very, very large." A look of worry crossed Severus's face, causing Seraphine to laugh good naturedly. She reached over to him and ruffled his hair lightly. "But don't worry. You may get lost a few times in the beginning, but the paintings, ghosts and professors will gladly help you find your way. You'll learn the ropes quickly enough._

_Severus sighed lightly, urging her to continue her stories of her, and soon to be their, school._

_Sera shook her head. "You're such an impatient one, Sev…_

"_Well, the Great Hall is humungous, and that's where all of the students and staff eat their meals. Students also gather there to do homework or talk. Also, the sky is enchanted."_

"_Enchanted? Enchanted how, Sera?" Severus moved a bit forward, his too long hair falling into his eyes._

"_You'll see, Severus. Trust me." Seraphine giggled, leading Severus onto Platform 9 ¾. The platform was bustling, hundreds of people rushing about, voices and owls screeching. "Ahh… The insanity of the trip. I love it."_

_She turned to her younger brother, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I can see you to your compartment if you'd like, Sev. I'm afraid I've got to sit near the front of the train. But if you need me, you can always find me."_

"_I'll be alright, Sera. I'll just find an empty compartment and read. Mum gave me a new book as a going away present." A shy smile stood on Severus's face. It didn't reach his eyes._

"_None of that. You need to make friends, little brother… But I guess you can do that when you get there, if you need to." Seraphine said, leading Severus over to pack away their trunks before finally entering the train. She pointed down one long hall, and then turned to point in the other direction. "You'll be down that way. The cabins are arranged by year, so you'll be at the very end. There will be signs to tell you when you've reached your section. I'll be in a cabin near the very front of the train. Will you be alright?"_

"_Yes, yes. Stop babying me, Sera." Severus said, his voice stern, but a slight smirk on his face. He turned to go down the hallway, walking faster than normal. He turned around as he walked, waving slightly to his sister. "I'll see you at the sorting ceremony."_

_Severus kept his hands in his pockets and his head down, watching his feet as he walked down the long halls. He looked up every once in awhile, checking for the sign that he needed._

"_A-ha!" Severus couldn't help but exclaim when he found the proper cabins, a sense of pride washing over him. He turned and entered the first cabin he saw, his eyes cast down. He didn't see anybody until he felt the impact, and heard the muffled noises of another boy's voice._

"_Oi!" Severus got to his knees, rubbing a hand on his head. He found himself staring at a boy, his own age. The boy had slightly golden eyes and light brown hair. He couldn't help but give the boy a small sneer._

"_Sorry about that. I was reading, and wasn't really watching where I was going." The boy held up an old book with a worn leather cover. He held out his hand to Severus. "Hullo. I'm Remus. Remus Lupin."_

- - -

Albus Dumbledore has always inspired a sense of awe in the students of Hogwarts. Some students may not have cared much for him, but damned near all of them has respected him. So when he stares at you, a cup of tea simmering on his desk, his hands clasped in his lap, and his blue eyes reading you, you can't help but sit up a little straighter.

It doesn't matter that I'm a forty-one year old man. He still makes me feel like I'm a first year.

"So… Remus... Are the rumors true?" He finally asks, taking a sip of his tea, his eyes never leaving me.

I shift in my seat before answering. "Yes, sir."

"You _proposed_ to my potions master?"

"Yes." I look down at my own cup of tea. A swirl of steam rises up slowly from it, catching my attention before I notice the look of sternness on the headmaster's face.

"Why?"

That question I did not expect. "Why what, sir? Why would I propose to Severus?"

"Yes, Remus, that's what I'm asking."

"Because I love him." I answer frankly. He sits silently for a moment, taking in my answer. After what seems like an eternity, he sighs, a smile coming to his face.

"Alright." He stands up, walking around his desk to stand in front of me. He takes a hand and hoists me up by the shoulder. He looks serious again for a moment, his blue eyes flashing. "If you hurt him, you will have many…many…people after your hide. Do you understand me?"

"Yes."

"Well, then. Have you two set a date?" Dumbledore backs away from me, going to his desk to retrieve a bit of parchment and a quill.

"No. We've discussed it, and were thinking about waiting until after the war. It's too dangerous to do it now. It could reveal his loyalties. Severus doesn't want that, both for his own safety and for the safety of Harry and the Order." I take a large gulp of my tea, trying to speed along the conversation. The sooner that I finish the tea, the sooner I may get out of this office and back to Severus.

"Oh, don't be silly, my dear boy." I can't help but smile at the tone that Dumbledore's voice takes. His smile widens. "We can have the wedding here at Hogwarts, in secret. If you keep your voices low and are discrete, I see no reason why not to get married sooner, rather than later."

"But Albus…"

"No 'buts,' Remus… This is bound to be a very long, very violent war. We won't all survive it. It is better to marry now than to regret not marrying later. Take my word on this." Dumbledore's eyes take on a heavy veil of sorrow as he says this, and I can't help but feel for the man. He's over a century and a half old, has dealt with Grindewald, and now Voldemort, for the second time. He's bound to have lost more than his fair share of friends and lovers throughout the year. "Now, if you can talk Severus into it, why not invite only one or two people, and you may have the wedding here, in my office. It will be perfectly safe. I myself can preside over the marriage. All that we need are two witnesses."

"What about the paperwork? I know that wizarding marriages are nowhere near as complicated or difficult as muggle marriages, but there must be paperwork? It can't be as easy as your performing a ceremony and us kissing at the end?"

Albus sighs. "I see no need to register your marriage until after the war, Remus. Besides," He waves his hand in front of his face in a dismissive manner. "Registering a marriage isn't what makes it a marriage. It is the Soul Bond that occurs _during_ the marriage that solidifies it."

It is my turn to sigh before I answer. "I…I'll have to discuss it with Severus."

Albus's face brightens up and he claps his hands together as he stands. "Fine, fine, my boy. I'll start preparing for the wedding. How about this coming Sunday? That gives us three days to prepare!"

"But-but… Headmaster… I…"

"None of that, my boy. Go find Severus and discuss this all with him. I'll get a hold of Professor McGonagall to serve as a witness for Severus. Would you like for me to find Harry, to serve as your witness?" Dumbledore asks, while shooing me out of the room.

"Um, sure. Alright. I still have to talk to Severus, though, sir…" I turn to say to him, but find the door shut tightly.

Well, now I really _do_ need to discuss this with Severus. Three days to plan a marriage… I always knew that Albus was a few knuts short of a galleon, but this just proves it.

---

"Is the bloody man _insane_? And how did he even _know_ that you proposed? That we are engaged? I swear, he's worse that the Weasley twins."

I can't help but laugh to myself at Severus's ranting. Just two years ago, his ranting would've made me annoyed, or made me yell, but now it's almost endearing. "Calm down, Severus. He's just trying to help…"

"But how did he _know_?"

"Are you ashamed of our engagement?" I ask, a slight twinge in the back of my throat. Severus stops ranting and raving and walks over to where I'm sitting, kneeling in front of me. He takes one of my hands in his own and kisses it lightly.

"Of course not. I love you, Remus." Severus leans up and holds my cheek in his other hand, bringing it down to his. His onyx eyes are swirling, emotion filling them. His eyes look content, happy and above all, they're filled with love. I kiss him lightly before pulling away.

"Then why _not_ get married on Sunday? Albus brought up good points… If we wait, we may regret it." Severus stands up and sits down on my lap, his face nuzzling my neck. I bring my arms up around him, running my hands up and down his sides before settling them down on his lower back. I can't help the tears that well up in my eyes as I speak. "I don't want to die without having married you."

"You won't." That's my Severus. Monosyllabic to a fault. "We're getting married on Sunday."

- - -

A/N: I hope this didn't suck too badly. I'm trying to wrap things up. I'm thinking one or two more chapters. I've kept people waiting for so long on this story, that I'm extremely annoyed with myself. I'm sorry, people. Thanks for reading and commenting on this story.

Also, the title of this chapter was borrowed from a Smashing Pumpkins song. It seemed oddly fitting.


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